Wednesday, 5 August 2009

"Man Sick" vs "Woman Sick"

"Man Sick", sometimes refered to as the "Man Cold" is an international anthropological phenomenon. For those of you unfamiliar with the marvel that is "Man Sick" (ie those who have never met a man and live under a rock) check out the fantastic documentary from "Man Stroke Woman" entitled "Man Cold" available on you tube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXLHWmjA5IE , thanks Kerri).

Webster defines "Man Sick" as,

.....the universal phenomenon whereby men, regardless of age, intelligence, socioeconomic status, race or religion, believe unequivocally that they are dying because they have a sniffle or a booboo, and that no one in the history of humanity has ever been as sick as they. This phenomenom can only be ameliorated by copious amounts of TLC, pillows and a blankey, provided by the wife, girlfriend or mother who simply doesn't understand just how ill they are. "Man Sick" is often characterised by men speaking in baby voices and faning patheticness. For example "Honey bunny my feet are cold can you tuck in my blankey" or, "Honey can you get the remote for me. If I move or my blankey will fall, you don't care, I'm siiiiiick"....

"Man Sick"/pronounced wah wah wah/ from the Latin "mannus wussius"/

During convalescence those afflicted by "Man Sick" are unable to move from the couch or bed due to changes in the space, time continuum which have increased gravity in the area immediately surrounding them, thus "forcing" them into the supine position . Their arms and feet no longer work and they are unable to undertake any task related to the family or household.

All women have been inoculated against "Man Sick" at some point in time (I'm starting to think that it wasn't a rubella shot they gave us in grade 6 hmmmmmm.....?). At some point it was decided (probably by men) that if you are a woman and especially a mum, the best cure for illness is housework and school runs. All mum's are familiar with dropping kids off at school whilst coughing up a lung. Or making school lunches with tissues stuck up our noses to stop large amounts of mucus dripping into sandwiches (though sometimes despite our best efforts they do get the "special sauce" for extra flavour). Snot, hacking coughs, fever, headaches, these are no impediment for we women. Dinners are made, shirts are ironed, dogs are taken to vets and dry cleaning picked up. If we do mange to get to bed there are the constant questions. "So what were you planning for tea? Where do I find the salt and pepper? Did you get to the dry cleaners today?"...... Where the hell is my damn blankey?????

As women we all know the cure for "Man Sick"; a big can of "Hardenup Princess" taken twice a day until symptoms disappear. Note symptoms may persist long beyond when the offending sniffle has actually passed. If symptoms do persist call girlfriends to commiserate and regale them with stories of pathetic husbands; sorry dearest, I mean really truly, leave us alone, stop picking on us, sick husbands.

If you are reading this and currently coughing up lungs or losing mucus from every pore in your boby, shaking or light headed, whilst ironing shirts and picking up dog poo (I'm sure that the kids agreed to do that if they could get a dog), know that I am there with you sister. We need to mount an equality campaign to ensure that we women can also be afflicted with "Man Sick" at least occasionally. We need to stand up and demand our blankey. Until that time, I toast you with my LemSip.

Cheers
Michelle :)

5 comments:

  1. Snort, snort, giggle, chortle, choke, gasp, wheeze....(drying eyes). Oh yeah... I've been there sister!

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