Friday, 31 July 2009

Lost. One Brain. If Found Please Return.

Brain fog moving in from the west, and it's moving fast. Time to get out the fog lamps and sound the horn to warn anyone who's in my vicinity.

What the hell has happened to my brain? I'm sure I had one at some point. Though with the way my memory has been of late I may be mistaken.

Currently I'm having a menage à trois with the pantry and the milk, and occasionally the laundry. Wait does that that make it a menage à quatre? Hmmm....too early in the morning, too much thinking involved, lets move on. Mornings are not my friend. I usually wake up in a pea souper that can last till lunchtime, and when I'm really lucky all day. For some reason I can't get it together with my milk. I'm either looking for the milk in the pantry, putting it in the pantry or even in the laundry. I don't know why it's so complex but it baffles me most mornings. This is what my brain has been reduced to.

Apparently I am only getting about 50% of the blood I require to my brain, or so the doc's tell me. I think. Maybe. Not sure. Better ask David, he's my back up brain. At least I have an excuse for my dull brain now and I'm going to milk it for all it's worth. If only my heart would beat properly as opposed to just sitting there making an arse print on the couch. Whoa, I just had an epiphany, my heart has become Homer Simpson. D'oh! Instead of bom bom bom, my heart just does a pathetic airy bluh....................bluh.....................bluh. Damn you Bob. Damn you to hell! (Sorry obscure Planet of the Apes reference, Charleton Heston one not the crappy Marky Mark version).

Everything takes so much longer to think through. Even writing this blog is laborious. What should take me 10 minutes now takes 28 bloody hours. I have the attention span of a gnat and trying to find words is about as easy as trying to find Osama Bin Laden. Multi-tasking is no longer in my repertoire of skills. Following simple conversations can be difficult some days. Should I really be confused discussing Brittany Spears? Is Madonna's love life that complex? What the hell is going on? Is my husband spiking my coffee with vodka? Is there pot in my brownies? It's bloody exhausting.

Has anyone seen the fantastic you tube video of Miss Teen USA 2007 South Carolina's speech? Oh my god that cracks me up. If you haven't seen it please get on you tube and watch it, it's a classic. Comedy Gold! Sadly this is what I can sound like on a bad day. Hmmmmm.....first I had my Heidi Klum delusions and now I'm comparing myself to a beauty queen. It may be time to call the men in white suits. "They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa".

I am so not the sharpest tool in the shed. Or as my husband pointed out I am pretty much a "rusty hoe". Yes much laughter around the dinner table when everyone realised what he said. I'm not sure, but I do think both of my kids pretty much peed themselves they thought it was so funny. Yes yes. Mum is a rusty hoe. Ha de ha ha. At least I can still provide comic relief for my family.

My brain remains MIA. If you see a pink squishy brain floating around looking lost please send it back my way. I miss it very very muchly.

Cheers
Whatever the hell my name is! :)

7 comments:

  1. Has your brain still not shown up?? I am glad you can see the funny side and acknowledge the comic relief you give to those around you! :-) God knows ya gotta laugh at these things! Although Glenn was NOT laughing at me today when I first backed my car into the fence and then forwards into his car!! Oops!! No damage done (just a little sore pride). Brain fog - a great excuse for any misdemeanor... XXX

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Kerri. Testing to see if my reply works.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Third time lucky..

    What I actually said was "Not the sharpest in the shed? You're not even in the shed. Much closer to the old rusty hoe discarded in the yard".

    Of course I could have picked a farm implement without another connotation (axe, scythe, plough blade etc).

    Naturally the boys picked up on it and latched on hard.

    It was funny though ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are absolutley hysterical! I empathize with you and hope your brain fog comes and goes like mine does.

    Loved this post - keep 'em coming!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks guys. The next two blogs are just complete silliness. "Man Sick vs Woman Sick" and "The love that dare not speak its name" are just for fun/insanity release and not Bob related.

    However, keep on the lookout for Alternative Therapies for Bob when my flu disappears. Bob and Flu do not good bedfellows make. Is it possible for the human head to explode??? After 3 days of migraine like headaches I am beginning to think it may blow at any moment. At least that might clear my brain fog!! "Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo".

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was going to comment on your post, but I've forgotten what it's about.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You added a laugh to my day. thank you fellow bob-ian.

    ReplyDelete

All who are lovely enough to comment should be showered with cup cakes, glitter and macarons. I promise to use my spoon bending mind powers to try and get that happening for all who are lovely enough to share their words. Those who go the extra step to share posts should really get a free unicorn. Or at least the gift of finding the shortest and quickest line at the supermarket on a regular basis. xx