Brain fog moving in from the west, and it's moving fast. Time to get out the fog lamps and sound the horn to warn anyone who's in my vicinity.
What the hell has happened to my brain? I'm sure I had one at some point. Though with the way my memory has been of late I may be mistaken.
Currently I'm having a menage à trois with the pantry and the milk, and occasionally the laundry. Wait does that that make it a menage à quatre? Hmmm....too early in the morning, too much thinking involved, lets move on. Mornings are not my friend. I usually wake up in a pea souper that can last till lunchtime, and when I'm really lucky all day. For some reason I can't get it together with my milk. I'm either looking for the milk in the pantry, putting it in the pantry or even in the laundry. I don't know why it's so complex but it baffles me most mornings. This is what my brain has been reduced to.
Apparently I am only getting about 50% of the blood I require to my brain, or so the doc's tell me. I think. Maybe. Not sure. Better ask David, he's my back up brain. At least I have an excuse for my dull brain now and I'm going to milk it for all it's worth. If only my heart would beat properly as opposed to just sitting there making an arse print on the couch. Whoa, I just had an epiphany, my heart has become Homer Simpson. D'oh! Instead of bom bom bom, my heart just does a pathetic airy bluh....................bluh.....................bluh. Damn you Bob. Damn you to hell! (Sorry obscure Planet of the Apes reference, Charleton Heston one not the crappy Marky Mark version).
Everything takes so much longer to think through. Even writing this blog is laborious. What should take me 10 minutes now takes 28 bloody hours. I have the attention span of a gnat and trying to find words is about as easy as trying to find Osama Bin Laden. Multi-tasking is no longer in my repertoire of skills. Following simple conversations can be difficult some days. Should I really be confused discussing Brittany Spears? Is Madonna's love life that complex? What the hell is going on? Is my husband spiking my coffee with vodka? Is there pot in my brownies? It's bloody exhausting.
Has anyone seen the fantastic you tube video of Miss Teen USA 2007 South Carolina's speech? Oh my god that cracks me up. If you haven't seen it please get on you tube and watch it, it's a classic. Comedy Gold! Sadly this is what I can sound like on a bad day. Hmmmmm.....first I had my Heidi Klum delusions and now I'm comparing myself to a beauty queen. It may be time to call the men in white suits. "They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa".
I am so not the sharpest tool in the shed. Or as my husband pointed out I am pretty much a "rusty hoe". Yes much laughter around the dinner table when everyone realised what he said. I'm not sure, but I do think both of my kids pretty much peed themselves they thought it was so funny. Yes yes. Mum is a rusty hoe. Ha de ha ha. At least I can still provide comic relief for my family.
My brain remains MIA. If you see a pink squishy brain floating around looking lost please send it back my way. I miss it very very muchly.
Whatever the hell my name is! :)