Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Free The Rusty Billions!

We are now in day 950.5 of what has been dubbed, the Rusty Hostage Drama.  Whilst, the majority of Michelle's brain cells remain prisoners to the BLF (Bob Liberation Front), Eunice, the lone brain cell who remains free, carries on valiantly.  She may sob into her Weeties every morning before arriving at work, but she puts on her game face every time she clocks on.

Eunice does her best to keep Michelle functioning throughout the day.  Unfortunately, despite her best intentions it appears that Michelle is going to hell in a handbag, as evidenced by her pouring the milk into the sugar bowl as opposed to her coffee cup this morning. This is not the first instance of Eunice's dropping of the Michelle ball, and evidence is building to suggests that Eunice may be getting ready to retire:

Exhibit A: Michelle tried to put the keys in to start her car.  After 5 mins of frustration and swearing Michelle thought to glance down only to see her husband's keys already in the keyhole.

Exhibit B: Michelle keep yelling at her son to grab her a fork, getting more an more peeved as he stood there confused with a spoon in his hand, only to realise some time later that she had said spoon...repeatedly.

Exhibit C: Michelle went to put her large glass cookie jar in the sink to soak.  Unfortunately she managed to place the cookie jar on the edge of the sink with some force thus shattering the jar.

Exhibit D: Michelle has forgotten how to judge distance thus walking the left side of her body into the wall today and yesterday and the day before yesterday, and......

Exhibit E: Michelle was unable to recall how to spell her name when signing her credit card slip thus looking like a criminal and receiving some very suspicious looks from the dread-locked emo petrol station attendant.

Exhibit F: Michelle stood up to go to the loo only to forget that she had her lap top on her lap.  The lap top was deposited on a very unhappy geriatric cat who then bit her on the ankle with her one remaining tooth.

Exhibit G: Michelle spent a half hour looking for her car keys only to realise she already had them in her hand.

Things are not looking good for Eunice and I fear she may be heading to early retirement. Or at least a ban from sharp objects.

 (She may be a little tired, but Eunice can still rock a tiara)

Eunice is desperate for the return of her sisters, in the hope that they will be able to lighten her load.  If they fail to return home soon, Eunice has made the difficult decision to move to a part-time or casual work format.

Eunice has formed the 'Free the Rusty Billions' movement, in the hope that she will one day be reunited with her beloved sisters.  Unfortunately, Eunice is one busy braincell and only got as far as creating the catchy name for her campaign before passing out with exhaustion and requiring a week long holiday.

(Eunice and some of her sisters in happier days)


It is hoped that the BLF will soon be defeated and Eunice and her sisterly billions can get back to their job of making Michelle a fully functioning human being or at least as good as she was before the hostage drama began.

Cheers
Michelle :)

18 comments:

  1. Aw man, poor Eunice. If it helps, I think we might be sharing her. And I don't even HAVE Bob to blame or anything. I'm just a moron! :)

    Talking of car keys, as you were, I managed to lock my car keys in the car twice in one weekend last year. For real. Both times I had to effing walk home, get the spares and walk back, just so I could DRIVE home. Pffff. Even remembering the event is making me swear.

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  2. Veg - I knew it. Eunice is such a tart she so likes to share herself around. I'm sure it's her fault about your key fiasco, she's such a douche some days.

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  3. Hmm. I usually put the remote control in the freezer. Then I spend some quality time with the boyfriend trying to find it. I also tend to ask the same questions again and again. And again. When I was at my CFS lows, I actually peed on the toilet lid (cause I didn't realise it was closed). Hmmm....

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  4. While moonlighting as part of the crew for the reality TV show "Find My Family", I swear I saw a pack of Eunice's aunties, cousins and grandchildren being interviewed and swabbed for DNA. It's only a matter of time now...

    (Tania P xx)

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  5. Elie - okay peeing on the toilet lid does trump my efforts. Though I have come very close. I will pass the tiara to you on this one LOL

    Xerphile - I'll give Eunice the good news :)

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  6. I will graciously accept my tiara **curtsy**

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  7. Keys are a problem. And. Sunglasses. Can never find those damn things. My husband bought me one of those expensive key chain thingies that beeps when you click the base which sits on your counter and then you can find your keys. The problem is that I lost the base. Probably where my keys are. And don't even get me started on the number of times I have searched this house for the sunglasses that were sitting perfectly on top of my head. One more thing. My kids names? I don't freaking know their names anymore. Dogs, kids and now even husband. I got through a list every time I try to call on by name.

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  8. Your site is awesome! Lots of great info. and with a sense of humor to boot! Kudos, Michelle! I too have Bob (POTS) and my brain malfunctions regularly. We have to laugh about it or we'd cry. Some examples: Got lost on the way to the local produce stand I've been going to for 14 years - had to call husband to figure out how to get there. Looked for days for cell phone and found it - lying dead at the bottom of the washing machine. Visiting New York City - coming out of Tiffany's with a backpack on, which got stuck in the revolving door! I am a walking disaster. My name is Liz and my hubby calls me a "Lizaster." The list of my brain-fogged escapades is truly endless.

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  9. Stephanie - Thanks for stopping by. I know I gave my kids names. I'm pretty sure my husband and I spent a lot of time picking out those names. Now I go with "boys" (usually screamed like a mad woman), or "Oi you". I do the list thing too. Now everyone including the animals just line up when I bellow as it's pot luck who I'm actually calling.

    Anonymous - Anyone who thinks anything I have created is "Awesome" is always welcome :) I do love that I am not the only walking disaster. My husband just shakes his head at me now. I'm pretty sure Bob is some weird master thief who sneaks in though a window in the middle of the night and steals brain cells. He's a bit of a freak!

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  10. I know Bob isn't catching but I do have EDS and have symtoms of Bob which I have tried very hard to ignore for many a year. In fact I know I have BOb not as severely as you but I was told many years ago that I do but I have a tendency to blank out in important consultants consultations with the wonderful effect that I have had two conditions of which I have been unaware because a locum GP didn't realise I prefer not to know really about diagnosis and am happy in blissful ignorance. My gp of 20 years knows that I like it like that. If they can't cure it I don't want to know type of theory! But as menopause comes galloping towards me the symptoms appear to manifest more often. I can't be as witty as you but my already compromised proprioception due to the EDS is just getting stupid. Just falling over for no reason over nothing with the windmill arms just makes me look plain mad or drunk. I also have the affliction of not knowing my kids names bearing in mind they are 19 and 17 I should know them by now. But no cats, dogs, next door neighbours kids and finally I may on the off chance remember their names. Another trick is running baths and yell at the kids for not emptying said bath, ummm I also don't admit that I am in the wrong on this failing to see that it is funny not to remember it was mine. I have had my new car since September? and rang spouse last week to say I couldn't find the car in the car park, bearing in mind I was looking for the wrong make and model it was no surpise I couldn't find it. There is more to add but I guess you get the picture here, I am not just scatty I am beyond scatty and I am not blond either.

    I blame my mother though - she was so convinced last weekend that it was Sunday when it was Saturday she managed to trick both my sister, my father and a neighbour into believing it were true.

    Lists worked for a while but now not, its all very well being organised and writing the list but when the list is nowhere to be found its no good to anyone!

    If it helps you are not alone. Perhaps all our one cell's could gather together for a party one day! Now that would be fun.

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  11. Achelois - sorry to hear you have Bob on top of everything else. I have heard there is a link between the two and many with dys have either EDS or a mild form of hypermobility. You'd think the universe would share the crap around rather than dump it on a few. Proprioception is not my friend either and David loves to tell me I do my little bird dance (flapping my arms) esp. as I walk down the stairs. The brain thing sucks. For me it's what I hate most. If my body has to break down I would appreciate it if at least my brain would work.

    Can you imagine that party. A whole room of Eunices. Now that would be a sight to bring a smile to our faces.

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  12. I agree Michelle- it sucks to have the brain symptoms on top of all the stupid physical ones. I'm just so glad for you that you at least have your humour. It's a powerful thing, to be able to laugh or at least joke in the face of such adversities. Though I do wish Eunice's sisters and friends would come back with a few friends of their own and give the poor old girl a break! ;) xx

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  13. Laura - I laugh in the face of danger ha ha! Poor old Eunice she's been doing it pretty rough of late. Here's hoping all the gals come back soon for all of us.

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  14. If I join the BLF do I get to carry a gun or grenades? Looking to whoop some Bob butt just to recover a few brain cells, Gurty my lone brain cell isn't going to be able to make it on her own for much longer. Enjoyed the blog, thanks for the laughs.

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  15. Michele - maybe Gurty and Eunice can tag team each other and sort us out.

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  16. Oh mama, was it one of THOSE DAYS? Well at least you're taking it in stride! Or is it hobbling around on 1 toe? Old Eunice is to be commended for her loyalty to duty and her fealty in service and perhaps a noble queen, some way, some where, will knight her for her valiant efforts!

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  17. I was my twin's sisters Eunice. I brought her home with me, as she had broken her leg just standing in her kitchen & snap. A few weeks earlier she had fallen on a long stem crystal glass. I banned all glass & coffee cups in my house. OK...I kept my dinner plates, but maybe I should have just stored them. Everyone in my house use big plastic cups with lids, also paper hot cup holders. Maybe I went to far, but she forgave me for loving her more than my dishes. Keep safe my dear!!! Nothing is more important than you staying safe.

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  18. Walk into one room, why am I here?. Walk into another, why am I here? Now I am hungry, now I want water. I believe I only have a few brain cells left! Fun Fun Fun.

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All who are lovely enough to comment should be showered with cup cakes, glitter and macarons. I promise to use my spoon bending mind powers to try and get that happening for all who are lovely enough to share their words. Those who go the extra step to share posts should really get a free unicorn. Or at least the gift of finding the shortest and quickest line at the supermarket on a regular basis. xx