Friday 3 September 2010

My Boob Is A Garden

It's been one of those days.  One of those days where you just say "fine", sigh, assume the position, and brace for the pointy end of the pineapple that you know is coming.  Today I was told my boob was a garden.  Yep.  A garden.  How do you respond to that?  I knew they could cause earthquakes, bring men to their knees and fill out a training bra nicely.  But a garden?  No.  That's a new one.

Today was yet another fun scan day.  Not an MRI today, for which I gave praise to every deity known to man.  Today was boob ultrasound day.  YAY. 


I have bodgy boobs.  I've always had bodgy boobs.  Over the years I have had many a cyst or suspicious fibroadenoma either biopsied or whipped out.   So when I felt something whilst I was doing my daily ablutions I just said meh and kept on scrubbing.  Hence it has taken me a while to get my butt into action.

When you're chronically sick you pick the most pressing problem and forget the rest.  So I may be a year, or five, overdue for my yearly ultrasound.  Oh and haven't my boobs been busy during that time.  They have been fruitful and multiplied, like randy little rabbits.  If nothing else at least I know I don't have lazy boobs.

Fantastically, I had the joy of the student radiologist feeling me up.  Apparently I am a fantastic teaching tool and provided a community service today.  My boobs are both Einstein and Mother Teresa all rolled into one. 

I got to lie there exposed to the world as the radiologist and her learner driver rolled goop all over my petite mammaries.  All the time going "Ooooh", "Ahh", "Look at that", "Wow look at that".  I did get a little miffed when they started to say "Well that one could go either way".  You know, that's not what I want to hear as they are looking at the girls. 

So I found out today that I have multiple abnormalities growing away happily.  Should be a bumper crop in the garden this year.  I also found out I have ectopic boob tissue.  So not only was my uterus not bright enough to keep itself in one place (hence the endometriosis) apparently my boobs are equally inept. 

I have boob tissue growing everywhere from my arm pit to my knee cap.  Okay the later may be an exaggeration, though not by much, and it would explain why my knees are so perky/knobbly.  It's mixed up in my lymph nodes and in my muscle tissue.  Basically my boobs are dumbarses.  As, Mr Grumpy said, "if it's growing everywhere, you'd think at least some of it would grow in the right place".  Ha ha Mr Grumpy.  You are hilarious. 

The experience was also punctuated with me making mad dashes to the loo to throw up and evacuate my nether regions thanks to Bob.  Tops!  Mind you the radiologists did end up putting on their jumpers and turning the aircon on for me so that's a bonus right?  So now more waiting for results.

My body is officially one of the fish that John West rejects.

Pass the tequila.

The gardening Michelle.


  1. Are you sure you are not my twin? But of course a much younger twin. You are the first person I have ever known that has boob tissue where it should not be. I had a bunch of boob tissue removed from one armpit when I was about 20. It is getting a bit weird if you ask me.


  2. Jane - You just never know where you'll find a long lost twin LOL. But really couldn't we just have the same coloured eyes rather than the crappy stuff in common. I was told years ago that my boob issues were related to my endo, which I have now found out is a cluster illness with Bob. There has to be some genetic flaw somewhere. I just want one part of my body that works properly.

  3. i have plenty of cysts too michelle. last september a little man technician, when i told him i had pots, and took awhile to diagnose, he cheerfully told me the docs must of thought i was crazy. they do that he said he they cant diagnose you. lovely man. painful when the cysts burst, all the advice to me was, keep an eye of them. xx

  4. I didn't even know boobs could do that! It's just boobs though, right? I mean, you can't start growing extra vagina behind your ear, can you?

    I'm getting the feeling you don't do anything half-ass, do ya?

  5. I have never had a problem with the endo stuff and it does not run in my family but of course all the other crap I have does not run in my family either. My eyes are blue. What color are your eyes? Now I am curious.


  6. I just come across your blog and I'm sniggering to myself as I'm reading at the way you word the difficulties, it's a good way to cope. I have POTS too and loads of other things.

  7. Em - sorry you are cysty too. They are painful when they burst. I've had some aspirated in the past but that can hurt just as much.

  8. Elly Lou - my boobs can do miraculous things, you should see them juggle. And yes I am all arse :)

  9. Jane - my eyes are hazel damn there goes my theory!

  10. Hello Living life from bed. Thanks for commenting. Glad I could make you laugh.


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