Lately things just don't seem the same
Actin' funny, but I don't know why
'scuse me while I kiss the sky
Purple haze all around
Don't know if I'm comin up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
What ever it is, that [Bob] put a spell on me
Purple Haze, Jimi Hendrix (1967)
Oh has there ever been a song better suited to Bob. I don't think so. I swear Jimi was thinking of us when he wrote that song he just decided it'd have more commercial appeal if he made it about a girl rather than Bob. Lets face it he really isn't that sexy.
Purple, oh purple. Purple is truly the colour of Bob. I know blue is the colour of our ribbon, but purple is the colour I see everyday. Looking up purple on Google I had the best laugh I've had in ages. So what does Google say purple means?:
- Calming to mind and nerves
- Offers a sense of spirituality
- Encourages creativity
Bob is an invisible illness for the most part, except for those bad days where crap is a way to positive word to describe how we look. But even on a good day the one visible aspect of Bob is the apparently highly spiritual purple. Purple hands, purple feet, purple legs and on the odd occasion purple stomach.
Who needs the new season coloured stockings when your legs are already a sexy violet, or Lavink (Lavender and Pink) as my Bobby sista Michele calls it (that is creative). Now that's truly organic fashion. Of course it is rarely just purple. Bob likes variety and can have many shades. My personal favourite is the slightly psychedelic red, purple, phlegmatic yellow and white uneven blotchy look. Pro Hart could not have done better.
There is also the fantastic 3 midnight purple toes and juxtaposed 2 dead white toes. Mix and match at it's best. You can even match your skirt length to your own personal purple water mark: ankle length, mid calf, knee length and even micro mini. There is even the unique designer purple stomach for the days when you feel like wearing the good old crop top. Well not me maybe. After 2 kids no one needs to see my sagging, stretch-marked stomach, purple or not. Sexy! I think I'd end up on one of those "what was she thinking?" web sites in between Bjork and her stork outfit and Cher in, well just about anything. Purple can also come in the form of gloves, even fingerless ones on bizarre days. So fashion forward.
Purple is also child friendly and can be used for educational purposes. Who needs a blackboard (yes old fart in the room, I was born in the days before white boards, we even had spots for ink pots on our desks!)? It's cool when your son can write his name on your purple legs by pressing his finger. Just like the pants you buy with the brand name down the side. Today I'm wearing Aubergine Chic designer stockings by Tom!"
If you are feeling adventurous you can combine your purple legs with oedema. Ahh cankles, I thought I'd have to wait until I retired for those. (Crap just realised I have retired thanks to Bob, damn it). Who needs leg warmers when you can insulate your legs with your own bodily fluids. Carbon neutral, organic, fair trade, biodegradable insulation what more can you ask for. No contribution to global warming from me.
Vasodilation, vasoconstriction, vasospasm, vasoblah, blah, blah. Who cares about the cause it's all about the fashion.
I've decided that purple sounds to bland for me and I'm going for aubergine, just like all the oh so cool fashion and design experts (too much time on the lifestyle channel). And before anyone suggests it, I will not go with eggplant it sounds as bad as it tastes.
So it's out with purple and in with aubergine.
I can see the headlines in Vogue now "Aubergine the New Black!"
"The Fashion Icon" Michelle :)