Thursday, 10 September 2009

It's Not Purple Darling. It's Aubergine.

Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things just don't seem the same
Actin' funny, but I don't know why
'scuse me while I kiss the sky
Purple haze all around
Don't know if I'm comin up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
What ever it is, that [Bob] put a spell on me
Help me
Help me

Purple Haze, Jimi Hendrix (1967)

Oh has there ever been a song better suited to Bob. I don't think so. I swear Jimi was thinking of us when he wrote that song he just decided it'd have more commercial appeal if he made it about a girl rather than Bob. Lets face it he really isn't that sexy.

Purple, oh purple. Purple is truly the colour of Bob. I know blue is the colour of our ribbon, but purple is the colour I see everyday. Looking up purple on Google I had the best laugh I've had in ages. So what does Google say purple means?:
  • Uplifting
  • Calming to mind and nerves
  • Offers a sense of spirituality
  • Encourages creativity
OMG I nearly had a Poise worthy moment. By that I should be the epitome of calm and upliftedness (is that a word? Maybe that's the creative coming out in me).

Bob is an invisible illness for the most part, except for those bad days where crap is a way to positive word to describe how we look. But even on a good day the one visible aspect of Bob is the apparently highly spiritual purple. Purple hands, purple feet, purple legs and on the odd occasion purple stomach.

Who needs the new season coloured stockings when your legs are already a sexy violet, or Lavink (Lavender and Pink) as my Bobby sista Michele calls it (that is creative). Now that's truly organic fashion. Of course it is rarely just purple. Bob likes variety and can have many shades. My personal favourite is the slightly psychedelic red, purple, phlegmatic yellow and white uneven blotchy look. Pro Hart could not have done better.

There is also the fantastic 3 midnight purple toes and juxtaposed 2 dead white toes. Mix and match at it's best. You can even match your skirt length to your own personal purple water mark: ankle length, mid calf, knee length and even micro mini. There is even the unique designer purple stomach for the days when you feel like wearing the good old crop top. Well not me maybe. After 2 kids no one needs to see my sagging, stretch-marked stomach, purple or not. Sexy! I think I'd end up on one of those "what was she thinking?" web sites in between Bjork and her stork outfit and Cher in, well just about anything. Purple can also come in the form of gloves, even fingerless ones on bizarre days. So fashion forward.

Purple is also child friendly and can be used for educational purposes. Who needs a blackboard (yes old fart in the room, I was born in the days before white boards, we even had spots for ink pots on our desks!)? It's cool when your son can write his name on your purple legs by pressing his finger. Just like the pants you buy with the brand name down the side. Today I'm wearing Aubergine Chic designer stockings by Tom!"

If you are feeling adventurous you can combine your purple legs with oedema. Ahh cankles, I thought I'd have to wait until I retired for those. (Crap just realised I have retired thanks to Bob, damn it). Who needs leg warmers when you can insulate your legs with your own bodily fluids. Carbon neutral, organic, fair trade, biodegradable insulation what more can you ask for. No contribution to global warming from me.

Vasodilation, vasoconstriction, vasospasm, vasoblah, blah, blah. Who cares about the cause it's all about the fashion.

I've decided that purple sounds to bland for me and I'm going for aubergine, just like all the oh so cool fashion and design experts (too much time on the lifestyle channel). And before anyone suggests it, I will not go with eggplant it sounds as bad as it tastes.

So it's out with purple and in with aubergine.

I can see the headlines in Vogue now "Aubergine the New Black!"

Cheers
"The Fashion Icon" Michelle :)

4 comments:

  1. I hate my purple legs....we are in a constant battle!!!

    Funny i was at the DR and she freaked out when she saw my purple feet (i was wearing thongs). Any way there were 2 little WHITE spots on the top of two toes. I pointed them out and i said at least the white spots give me hope that there is blood going there and that maybe my whole feet will one day be WHITE again.

    Any way my DR crushed me when she said 'actually those WHITE spots indicate there is NO blood getting to those areas"

    there goes hoping!

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  2. AHHH.....HOW I KNOW THIS PROBLEM ALL TOO WELL!!
    I'M VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH THE MIX/MATCH OF THE COLOR ON MY TOES. IT IS VERY ATTRACTIVE=)
    NOTHING LIKE SOME DYSAUTONOMIA WITH A SPLASH OF RAYNAUDS TO MAKE A BEAUTIFUL COLOR FOR YOUR EXTREMITIES!!I USE TO CALL IT MAGENTA....SUCH AN ODD COLOR!!

    I'M GOING TO BE ROCKING MY COMPRESSION STOCKINGS WITH LEG WARMERS AND TOE SOCKS THIS WINTER!! FASHIONATA=) HEY, THE 80s ARE COMING BACK, SO IT WON'T BE THAT NOTICEABLE, BUT YOU KNOW ME MICHELLE, I WOULDN'T CARE ANYWAY(COMING FROM A PERSON WITH AN ACTUAL POT ON HER HEAD AND PUBLICIZING IT ALL OVER THE WEB!LOL)

    WE SHOULD COME UP WITH VERY ATTRACTIVE/FUNNY LEG WARMERS JUST FOR THOSE LUCKY ENOUGH PEOPLE WHO HAVE DYSAUTONOMIA!!! ALL THE COOL KIDS HAVE IT THESE DAYS YOU KNOW=)

    KEEP UP THE FANTABULOUS WORK MY FRIEND!! YOU ROCK MY MENTAL SOCKS OFF=)LOL.....SO WE'VE COME TO A CONCLUSION THAT I MADE THAT ONE UP AT 3AM??? MOST LIKELY!!

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  3. I actually laughed out loud when I reas this one (I have been stalking you blog all night tonight hahaha!) I've been fighting with my husband today and then giving him the good ol' silent treatment--Now he hears me cackling to myself upstairs and probably thinks I'm devising some evil plan for him ;o) Your blog is amazing! You write so much like me and you are living my life across the globe! Thanks for what you do! It really is making my night! As for the purpel legs--Oh my gosh, YES I get this and it is horrible! Sometimes, after sitting for too long with my legs hanging down, I will look down and freak out because my toes look almost BLACK! The multicolored toe thing really made me giggle. You crack me up!

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  4. Jennifer - glad I could give you a laugh. That almost black purple look is a bit disturbing some days. It's amazing the shades of colour your body can turn. I really had no idea before I got ill. We are fashionistas!!

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All who are lovely enough to comment should be showered with cup cakes, glitter and macarons. I promise to use my spoon bending mind powers to try and get that happening for all who are lovely enough to share their words. Those who go the extra step to share posts should really get a free unicorn. Or at least the gift of finding the shortest and quickest line at the supermarket on a regular basis. xx