Saturday, 30 July 2011

Atypical aka WTF?

Just once I'd like my bodily fluids to be normal.  Is that too much to ask?  I didn't think so, but apparently the universe has other ideas.  Because my recent mucus adventures obviously weren't enough fun.  (I think I hate you universe).  Atypical gastro.  Yes, that's right.  Atypical fricken gastro.  Because apparently I can't even get the shits like normal people.

Not that I really know what that means.  Not that I really think my GP knows what that means.  But fingers crossed that the poor unfortunate at the path lab who has to grow my poo bugs will know what that means.    Good lord, I hope he's wearing one of those yellow suits from Outbreak, before he pops the lid on that container.

But I'm looking for silver linings, I really am.  Lets see.

For once I do look sick, according to Mr Grumpy.  So I guess that's something.  Mind you I never really thought of gastro as fitting into the Super Model disease group like Bob.  Something about exploding bodily fluids doesn't exactly scream beauty.

And I have lost those pesky pounds, plus a few, and I didn't even have to go to a single Jenny Craig meeting.  Though that could stop right about now.  7kg down in a little under a week not so good for symptom management and I'm pretty sure I could have just tossed my meds straight into the loo rather than bothering with trying to down them.  But at this rate I'm a shoe in for ANTM, well apart from being an old fart and all.

I got to freak out my GP, which I always enjoy, by having no peripheral pulse.  Though she could get one from the weirdly spasming blood vessel in my stomach that she could both see and feel.  A first for her apparently.

I didn't even feel the large needle in my bum to stop vomiting.  Go the power of SNAFU.

I also managed to gross out my eldest son, again something I enjoy immensely, by pointing out that there was a bag with my foul poo in it, sitting right next to him as he drove me to pathology.   

I haven't had to cook, which is really a bonus all round, as no one wants a gastro-infested woman touching their potatoes.

See silver linings and all that jazz. 

Now if only I could work out how to stop water working like a laxative I'd be pretty happy.  And real food would be nice.  But, that just sounds picky.

So I'll crawl back under my doona and cuddle my pillow, and think about how in a few days I'm sure to get a gig on ANTM.

Michelle

And because show tunes always make me happy.

8 comments:

  1. Oh Michelle,
    I hope everything works out ok. Please keep us posted. So glad you still have a sense of humor. I've been sick for awhile and my sense of humor has left me at this point.
    Hugs...hope you feel better soon.
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Mary. It's been a bit of a rough trott at the moment. The old immune system has taken a bit of a beating. My sense of humour waxes and wanes. It has been in short supply of late. But, the only way is up, right?

    ReplyDelete
  3. sounds awful michelle. really hope this eases off soon for you. i find mumbling swear words under my breath helps. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. oh my good god, as if you don't have enough to put up with. Nothing much makes me freak, but your stomach pulse description certainly did. What the ^&ck is that all about?

    I just want you better OK.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm in a whiny kind of mood, too. Shit. I just called you whiny. I didn't mean that. It's all well founded. I just get the whole, "Some days I can suck it up and laugh it off but some days I just fucking can't" vibe. Some days a girl's just got to wallow. Wallow on, pookie. And skootch over so I can crawl in with you and watch some bad TV.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Em - I have taken your tip to heart and there has been much mumbling. I will start your shoes as soon as this is past. Do not fear they are still coming :)

    Achelois - OK :) I think I'm just run down at the moment. Back to the doc tomorrow though as she's worried I'm losing so much weight.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Elly Lou - I'll take the 'whiny', though I'd rather it was 'winey'. Yep, chanting "happy happy joy joy" just isn't cutting it at the moment. I'll make room on the couch right now, with lots of squishy pillows and soft blankies :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh I just happened upon this blog today but I really hope you're feeling better and all that jazz. Poor thing, here's a big blog hug *hug*

    ReplyDelete

All who are lovely enough to comment should be showered with cup cakes, glitter and macarons. I promise to use my spoon bending mind powers to try and get that happening for all who are lovely enough to share their words. Those who go the extra step to share posts should really get a free unicorn. Or at least the gift of finding the shortest and quickest line at the supermarket on a regular basis. xx