Sunday 15 August 2010

Life is an errant shower water jet in the face.

Do you ever hop into the shower and find that there is one errant little jet of water, that acts like a heat seeking missile going straight for your face?  You move left.  You move right.  You do handstands and turn your back.  Yet it still hits you right in between your eyes, hard, and has enough cast off to go into both your eyes so you stand there blinking and cursing whatever you did to deserve an annoying spit in the face from the universe?  Yes? No?  Well for me the last few days have been one shower jet watergorby in the face, literally and figuratively.

Though I like to remind myself things could be worse. 

I had the audacity to go out with my physio girls for dinner (post to come, I wont sully that fun with today's gripe) and now am being punished by my puritanical body. If I'm honest I was on the down slope pre-dinner and if it wasn't for the joy of seeing my ladies, I would normally have stayed home and crawled up in a ball to die slowly under my doona. But, sometimes it's just worth the post-fun hijinks.

The past day and a half has been unpleasant to say the least.  Stuck in bed with barely enough energy or wherewithall to be peeved that I was stuck in bed.  Well if I'm truthful I am still in bed.  But as I'm sitting up, have scoured the sickly sludge off my body, and have managed to resist the siren call of my pjs, I feel technically, I can finally be classed as up and about. 

Really bed is the only place to be if you can't reach triple digits in your bp.  I tried.  I really did.  But swearing at my blood vessels and threatening them with all sorts of nastiness just didn't seem to work.  I also tried to be positive. I repeated "I think I can.  I think I can" ad nauseum, but that also proved about as useful as a tube of SPF 30 on the surface of the sun.  I was proud to get to a decent 92/41 by about 9pm last night, thanks of course to my Uri Geller spoon bending and healing powers of positivity.  If I could've stood up, I would have danced for joy.

Haven't eaten a great deal since Friday night. Still not hungry and just a tad nauseous, so the occasional nibble of something salt laced is probably about it for now.  I am hoping this lack of intake will aid my plans to decrease the size of my ever increasing rear end.  Hell, it has to work better than my regular method of LMAO, which is simply not working and frankly I am beginning to feel like a liar every time I type those four letters.

Note to self: do not comment or message anyone whilst in this state of uselessness.  Messages may be incoherent at best, or come out the wrong way entirely.  I've heard this is how wars start.  Well that and something about Texas Tea.  At the time you think you are exceedingly eloquent and humorous.  However, this judgement is being filtered by a brain severely lacking is O2.  Really it's the equivalent of drunk dialling, minus all the "I loves yous".

I did manage a shower yesterday, which was a feat in itself.  I made it from my bed, to the shower, onto my shower chair, managed to clean off the hideous paint pealing bed funk to a tolerable level, get out, get dressed and make it back to bed without serious incident.  This is pretty impressive even on a good day.  There have been many a time where I either, didn't make it, fell off my shower chair, or missed it when I sat down.  Naked humiliation was avoided (apart from the quick glimpse of pasty marshmallow I caught in the mirror).  No new bruises were acquired.  Go me.  I did manage a minor scalding when I forgot how to use the cold tap, but that is still a good day.  I did have one of those errant spouts.  I moved left.  I moved right.  It still found my face.  Solution.  Give in and put face washer on face, lean head against wall and let the water fall.  Much easier than fighting.

(On a good day this is about how successful my showers are) 

The rest of the day was spent either comatose or watching episodes of 30 Rock. Kenneth Parcell can get me through many a tough time.  20 minute episodes are good when your brain is mush.  Even better if you have seen the episodes before and you don't have to try and follow a plot. 

One problem with sleeping so much is you dehydrate, and if you have Bob you dehydrate at light speed.  Today I have lips with cracks the size of the San Andreas and there is no lip balm that can fix that quickly.  So today's plan is to guzzle enough water to cover today and yesterday.  This also means many a pee trip from bed to loo.  I think all this to and fro classes as my cardio for the day so no need to break out the Wii.  I will now put on my headband, sexy leotard, and Olivia Newton-John's, Physical on loop, to make me really feel like I'm on my way to buns of steel.

I'm hot, and not in the good way. Well I don't actually know if I've ever been hot in the good way.  Though I did get called a MILF by some delightful teenagers last year.  Does that count as a good or bad thing?  I'm still not sure.  I do know that I am the bad type of hot at the moment.  It's a delightful Winters day here is Aus. Misty rain, soggy world, 8C if we're lucky, and I'm rocking my Summer's best of t-shirt bare feet and rolled up trackie dacks (my attempt at pretending I am cold like normal people).  The last three night's I've slept with  either a sheet or nothing, whilst Mr Grumpy had the electric blanket on max, the doona up round his ears and lay there shivering.  The rest of the house is wearing Arctic thermals, jumpers and thick wool socks and I have heat intolerance up the wazoo.  Stupid body temp is higher than usual, and it's always high.  If I sweated I'd be lying in a salty pool by now.  All in all I guess it helps with our heating bill, especially when I'm home by myself.  You know, silver linings and all.

I think I'm going to go with the whole "and on the last day He rested" plan, it is Sunday after all.  Saturday was completely misplaced.  It is obviously hanging out with my Bedazzler and single socks.  I'm thinking about requesting a do-over.  Is that possible for a whole day?  Let me know. 

Michelle :)

Miniature Disasters - KT Tunstall, seems somehow fitting.


  1. I want to give your MILF-esque leopard print leotard-clad bod a squishy hug. Now that you've showered, anyway.

  2. wow kt can stand, sing, and play geeeetar, one clever lady.

    had a similiar experience to yours, wednesday went to buckingham palace, oh no wasnt collecting a medal or such, just nosing around the place. ever since ive dipped, pulse decided to drop once again stayed at 39 this time.

    wish there was an answer, a magical cure for pots. xxx

  3. If it helps I spent all weekend either in bed or asleep on the sofa. Family keeps asking if I feel better and I don't. Now I have been awake all the night due to sleeping sooooo much. I hurt.

    I understand how you are feeling and I guess I commented to say just that. You are not alone

  4. "Though I did get called a MILF by some delightful teenagers last year. Does that count as a good or bad thing? "

    A GOOD THING!!!!!! :)

    Great Post!

  5. Blimey, you sound like you are in a bad way. Will you pull through do you think?

  6. Yikes, hope you are feeling better now!

    On the upside, great choice in music, I love me some KT Tunstall!

  7. Your posts make me smile!! I've been having a really bad crash for about four weeks to the point of b/p and pulse being so low making me have stroke like episodes. I have a quite long medical history and finally got the dysautonmia diagnosis two days ago after my GP couldn't find a b/p after having me stand up. I've had several falling epidsodes today....couldn't take the med(Florinef)prescribed because I have Chiari and intracranial issues. I honestly would let them put in a line to give me fluids as I don't know how much longer I can go on. My appt. with the EP Cardiologist out of town if two weeks away. Should I be worried with 80/40 b/p and pulse of 41??

  8. Elly Lou - Big hug right back at you babe. And yes I am all fresh and perfumy now.

  9. Em - I love KT her acoustic album is really good and always on my playlist. Sorry to hear about your pulse that's super low. Surely we are due to go out and enjoy ourselves without consequences.

  10. Achelois - thanks babe though sorry that this is what we have to have in common. I'm starting to think I need to chop off my body and do the head in a jar thing like on 'Futurama', okay may still be a little delirious still, though I wouldn't have a sucky body any more.

  11. Toy Couture - I'll take that Good Thing! I always think of the mum from American Pie when I think MILF. I wish I had her boobs.

  12. Annie - yep just a bit of a glitch in the bod. If I get crook I always go for Olympic gold, none of that bronze crap!

  13. Brahm - feeling a bit better thanks, always takes a while. You are man of taste if you like KT. Mind you after I read that you liked Belinda Carlisle I was already convinced of that.

  14. Leann - sorry it's taken so long to respond, stupid problems with Blogger have made it so I couldn't access my comments. That is quite low for your bp and hr. I hope it has picked up for you as I know from experience it's hard to function when it's like that. Sorry you are having such a tough time of it and hope now you have the diagnosis that your cardio can do something to help you. Fingers crossed you get the treatment you need super soon.

  15. Michelle-
    I always love reading your blog (when I'm not busy farming, feeding my fish, etc. on FB). You have such a way with words. You always make me smile while also letting me know there's someone out there who feels exactly like I do. I just thought I'd share a little appreciation for you today. :o)

  16. Robin - Thanks for the love it's much appreciated :) .


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