Okay, which bastard thought it'd be hilarious to steal my Bedazzler? I am going to hunt you down as soon as I can stand, and pull your spleen out your left nostril. As some of you may have noticed my insane attempt to be perky at least one day a week has gone awry. Not like anyone is truly surprised, well except for that tiny delusional anal portion of my mind that still thinks it can do everything. With the absence of my metaphorical Bedazzler, these last few weeks at Château Rusty have been rather bereft of sparkly rhinestones and crystals. I have resorted to watching hours of The People's Court, and even made it through an entire episode of Paris Hilton's reality show without retching, or doing an Elvis and shooting my TV. Even I am scared. An intervention may be in order.
Well as I've managed to get my bp out of the toilet for two seconds today, I thought I'd have a bash at perkiness. "Got to be in it to win it", or so they say. Whoever the hell 'they' are? I'm pretty sure 'they' may be in cahoots with the pathologically cheerful purveyors of religion who keep knocking on my door at 8:30am. I'm starting to think there must be some sign on my house indicating that I am in desperate need of salvation. Mind you if they came after my morning sanity coffee I may actually be more receptive, well probably not, but definitely more civil regarding their message, and not set my large dog on them (good boy Thor). They really need to get onto their market research people. 8:30 on a Saturday morning is not the time to try and convert the heathen masses. Hell, 11:30 on a Saturday morning is not the time to try and covert the heathen masses. Only the insane are open to conversion at this time.
But I digress.
When my kids were younger we used to have MLT time one day a week after school. MLT being Mummy, rug rat L. and rug rat T. time. We would go to a café and have hot chocolates or lime spiders and chat about their week. Both of them had some tough times with bullies and the like so to try and refocus them from the crappy aspects of school we always ended with them picking three good things about their week. So I thought today I should try and have MLT time for one ,and find three good things from the last few weeks (and try valiantly to live in denial about the rest).
Number one: I had to go to a talk at the eldest rug rats school about learning to drive. Sounds crap right? But no. I scored big time. First I picked up the youngest rug rat from basketball practice next door and brought us each a chocolate Twix bar. We won two free bars. Now in my sad little life this was enough to make me do a little jig in front of youngest rug rats basketball mates and embarrass the help out of him (this is compulsory in every mum's KPIs). Next we returned to the talk only to win first a little squishy toy in the shape of a VW. For those of you who don't know I love a little VW bug and have always wanted one, though a combi comes very close in the love stakes. Next we won a big box of chocolates. Then we won a $25 gift voucher for a music store. Score!!! We made up for a lifetime of never winning so much as a used piece of gum, in one night. There may also have been more embarrassing dancing in front of eldest rug rats teenage friends.
Number two: Some of you may know I had some excitement in my street the other day. For some reason a rather strange man decided that he would run up and down my street for a couple of hours wearing nothing but a pair of poorly fitting jeans. It was about 5C, being the middle of Winter here in Aus so it was bizarre from the out set. He was possible the hairiest man I had seen in a while and in desperate need of an Epilady across his back. I was tempted to yell "Run Forrest, run" out my lounge window but I didn't want to break his stride. Even better was the fact that at each lap, thanks to his poorly fitting jeans, more and more of his money box came into view. I could have lost $100 down that furry coin slot. Alas he must have tired, and eventually disappeared. I am hoping he comes back though as he did provide me with a couple of giggle-filled hours.
Number three: I won a blog prize. Mr London Street (MLS) gave me a nod as one of his three best posts for That Was The Week That Blogged (TWTWTB). It was for The Wonder Years, which I changed my mind about posting about a dozen time. I was lucky enough to win one of these last year for Farewell to the Brandy Hag, and I was equally chuffed this time. When someone, whose writing you admire gives you an award it's rather exciting. I have suggested MLS as a blog to follow before and will again (and not just because he gave me an award and said lovely things, though I am not adverse to bribery). As his profile says, he is "Reading's Premier Humourist. Occasional nookie ocelot. Highly conflicted purveyor of high class smut and melancholy to the masses". If you like your humour dry and your melancholy dark, he is your man.
Okay I made it to three. I will now focus on free chocolate, naked hairy men and bask in the glory of my accolade for a while. Hopefully this will lead me back to my happy place and my elusive Bedazzler. I will now attempt to drag my body out of bed (it's 3:30pm), scull water and chug salt in the hopes of getting my bp up enough to go out to dinner with my physio girls. I may need a mule or a sturdy Sherpa to get me up the mountain to the restaurant but damn it I'm getting there.
Insert the world's greatest motivational music, ever.
The "blame it on the lack of oxygen getting to my brain" Michelle :)