Friday, 9 July 2010

Fabulous Friday: Happy 1st Birthday Dear Blog

I couldn't have planned it better if I tried.  My blog's 1st birthday falls exactly on a Fabulous Friday.  Yay, 1 year old today.  It doesn't look a day over 6 months.  Oh, and I should say up front, offers of cake and presents will be gratefully accepted.

I think I'm supposed to get all sentimental and review my year of blogging.  What has changed?  What is still the same?  What have I learnt?  What do I wish I had never, ever, exposed to the world?  What does the future hold?

What has changed?  Well after careful examination, ie sitting here for half an hour alternately staring blankly out the window and faffing about with font styles, I think a couple of things have changed.

Discussions involving my bowels seem to have increased.  But then again who doesn't find a poo or fart joke funny?  Okay maybe just me, but I'm okay with that.  I live in a house with teenage boys, a juvenile husband, and flatulent pets, plus I have IBS.  The rear nether regions are thus a prominent feature of my day-to-day existence.  Add to that, I am way too lazy to censor myself.  So odds are in favour of bowel related discussions continuing.

As recently pointed out by the Vegetable Assassin, my open appreciation of men without shirts has also increased, leading to somewhat of a bloggy theme.  But hey would you really rather me discuss my bowels or male eye candy?  I know I should probably be more mature and discuss big meaningful issues, but lets face it that is not likely to occur any time soon. 

 (Gratuitous hot shirtless guy shot.  Okay he may be a douchebag in real life,
but he is mighty easy on the eye)

I may also have gotten a tad more sarcastic over the months.  But considering that I started off on a bit of a sarcastic high it's sometimes hard to tell.  And before anyone points out that 'sarcasm is the lowest form of whit', I can tell you right now I'm okay with that.  I am also okay with my appalling grammatical skills, my ever decreasing use of the spell check function, and loathing of all things Twilight related. 

I have made a concerted effort to move beyond the sick thing, hence the idea of the Bob-free Fabulous Friday.  When you are chronically ill, being sick can become your whole world.  You live and breathe illness.  You lose sight of the rest of the world.  That's not that unreasonable as illnesses like Bob, tend to control and curtail your ability to be in the world.  But total focus, will lead to an eventual stay in crazy town.  I know.  I've been there.  I still focus on being ill when I have to, but for the most part, I now try to have a life outside of the crap.  Being sick is just one part of my life, it's not the sum total.  Okay, that sounds way too Oprah or Dr Phil, (shudder).  I refuse to have a "lightbulb moment".  I will go and sit in the naughty corner until I can get back to my usual anti- touchy feely self.

I have met a lot of equally insane and truly wonderful people over the past year, who for some reason enjoy my blogging efforts.  I'm pretty sure that there is a dot point somewhere in the DSM-IV-TR, that says liking my blog is up there with bed wetting and torturing small animals as a marker for psychopathology, but I could be wrong (please keep reading people, remember sarcasm).  Unlike me, there are some very funny and very talented people out in the blogosphere, and I feel lucky to have been able to find them.

I've gone from feeling like the only person out there with Bob, to finding a whole community of people just like me.  Good for me, but crap for them, I don't wish Bob on anyone.  It's probably the one thing I really like about the internet.  To give you some perspective there a sum total of 12 people on the Aussie Facebook site (I know there are more of us out there, but we are still few and far between). Add in the fact we are often not the most mobile people, and the internet lets you connect with people all over the world without leaving your couch.   It's also kind of nice that my feeble attempts at writing are able to help others feel not so alone.

What has stayed the same?  Lets see.  Bob is still there.  Bastard.  He continues to be the pimple on the arse of Satan, that has taken to residing in my house.  I still feel like crap on a daily basis.  Despite being poked and prodded and used as a pharmaceutical guinea pig I am pretty much still in the same state of shiteness as I was 12 months ago.  That is the joy of chronic illness.  And really that is all kinds of dull and depressing, so no more of that.

What have I learnt?  Well, the biggest would be that sarcasm does not always translate well to the written word.  There are also some issues with the whole international thing.  Little did I know that terms such as "Dutch oven", are not international.  Is 'loo' really that strange?  Or as I have recently been alerted to on Twitter and commenting on other blogs, "Bogan" and "Mexican wave" are only Australian terms.  I shall thus refrain from the use of ethnocentric terms such as "Stone the Crows", and "Strewth".   Maybe I need to develop a glossary or Dummies Guide (don't get excited, apathy will win out on that one, try this instead).

I simply don't/can't take life particularly seriously, unless I really have to.  I make fun of me and of being sick.  Call it a coping mechanism if you like, but hey as the Monty Python guys say:

"Life's a piece of shit when you look at it......

.......So always look on the bright side of life"

And to clarify for Anonymous comment person (why are they always anonymous?).  My porcelain lover, is not a reference to some albino guy I am having an illicit affair with.  This is my apparently very confusing, reference to my toilet.  If you have Bob you spend a lot of up close and personal time with your toilet.  As such, I felt it needed a new name.  So Anonymous Einstein, I don't need to go to marriage counselling and I am not looking outside my marriage for solutions.

Porcelain Lover = Toilet.  
Porcelain Lover = Toilet.  
Perselain Lover = Toilet.  

Are we all clear now?

I have also learnt that there a lot of people in the world who need a glittery pair of shoes in their life.  I thought it was just me who had a thing for glitter, but apparently not.  My one birthday wish would be for all my readers to go out and embrace their secret glitter love and make themselves a pair of heels, boots, thongs or uggs.  No crocs though.  I refuse to have beautiful glitter sullied by being associated with a pair of butt ugly crocs.  That is glitter blasphemy.

And finally, what do I wish I had never exposed to the world?  Hmmm....  I know I should probably regret something, but I don't.  I mean I'd like to have at least a Grade 2 level of grammatical prowess, but that's just not going to happen, and other than that, nothing really jumps out.  I'm not even ashamed that I outted myself with regards to my love of all things ANTM.  Generally, I push the 'publish post' button, grab a coffee and forget.  My blog is what it is, the dross from my head.  Life's to short to worry about what I put out there.  Besides there are a lot more freaky and disturbing people than me in the world.  In fact, a quick review of some of the blogs out there and I feel positively normal.

What does the future hold?  My guess is more sarcasm and a continuing dedication to mediocrity.  I shall no doubt continue to make fun of 40-year-old women with 'Team Edward' t-shirts, and anything Justin Bieber related.  Inappropriate jokes will abound and Bob will undoubtedly rear his ugly head.  I also plan to start some sort of fund raiser for the glitter deprived.  See big plans people.  Big plans.  I know you are all completely under-whelmed with excitement.


Happy 1st Birthday Blog

And thanks to every one of my super intelligent, witty and dead-sexy readers.  You all have a special place in my heart.

Until next year,



  1. Congradulations!

    Pimple on the arse of satan is hysterical but so true!

  2. Diana - thanks. Anything on the arse of Satan is truly a bad bad thing LOL

  3. First - Happy 1st blogging birthday. It's a big milestone. At least, I think so. I'm not very good with commitment of ANY kind, so writing regularly for that long is a huge accomplishment.

    Second - I LOVE ANTM. LOVE it. And I'm not ashamed. *high five*

    Third - I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts. Cheers.

  4. Happy one year Michelle, and another great blog, except for the Twilight digs "Go team Edward!" Looking forward to another great and sarcastic year.

  5. It brings a tear to my jaded old bloggy eye to see you reach your 1st birthday. You grew up so fast. Sniff! And despite Bob you manage to be hilarious and not right in the head, two things I always embrace in other people, seeing as how I am the bastion of normalcy myself.

    You're also Australian like my favourite not right in the head people ever, The Doug Anthony All Stars, therefore come on....what's not to like?

    Also Bob should STAY on Satan's arse and leave you alone, no?

    Aussie words crack me up, cobber! I had to ask someone last year about "bogan". That's just a great word. Sounds like some wood goblin that comes into town at night and steals pies. don't have those?

  6. Happy Birthday, Butterhead! I'm going to assume I get a pass on the Twilight thing since I only love Edward because he's glittery. OK maybe I want to nibble on his crazy strong jaw line a little but it's mostly about the glitter. Yum.

  7. Happy Blog Birfday!!!!

    Who wouldnt like Red shoes?!?!?! I don't think I can pull the glittery thing off however...

    Personally, I find 'sarcasm' to be a VERY endearing trait!!!


  8. Hi Michelle - I happened to stumble across your blog via one of your comments - although I haven't been reading long I am enjoying it - happy 1st birthday and may there be many more to come - although I hope your life begins to change and so there is less Bob and more fun in it and your blog!

    I must admit, I have an ulterior motive for my last statement - I too have dysautonomia, and would love to see it wiped from the face of Earth. I won't bombard you with medical tales and advice as I am sure everyone who has traveled the journey of this illness (and many who have not) have given it all to you already, but I will mention that I have just started a new treatment - IVIg, meant to tackle the underlying autoimmune cause of my illness. I you want to know more, I am happy to share via e-mail - just let me know.

  9. Happy Blogrthday! I blew out all the candles for you and wished that Bob would eff off.

    I'm quite pleased when I discover fellow Aussies in the blogosphere, although it's not quite the same as sharing Bob it is a common thread and makes me feel less homesick. So I am very happy to discover another Aussie with a good handle on sarcasm and the correct things to like (Monty Python, Monkey) and dislike (Twilight).

  10. Happy 1st birthday on your blob Michelle. I read it all the time, and laugh my arse off!!

    If not for you, I'd be damned depressed! Your blog always has me smiling and chuckling girl!

    I know BOB can't be fun, as anything that causes "Chronic Pain" 24/7 really sux! I know all about it, I live with it daily, day in and day out! Thank God for wonderful folks like you and the internet and your great blogs! Keep it up girl! Oh, and you are very good at it! (winks), don't let anyone tell you different!

  11. hi michelle

    happy birthday to your blog. loo is a uk thing too. netherlands cooker, not such a english saying. hoping your p.o.t.s gets better in this following year. the times ive read a post and thought, 'i get that too', thanks for those times. i wont waffle on because my brains had to much sun for the day and ive a lovely headache over my left eye. xxx

  12. Happy Birthday, my friend. Looooooove your blog, haaaaaaaaate your Bob. PS- In my head, you have USA east coast I am so strange. And today, note to self: reminder via this birthday post, you are an awesome aussie.

  13. OWO - A fellow ANTM lover. I knew there was a reason I liked you :)

    Michele - Look whilst I would rather poke out my eyes with a rusty spoon than watch a Twilight movie, I fully support your right to lust after pasty faced boy vampires. My knowledge of US politics is a bit dodgy but I'm pretty sure that's in your constitution. So go for it :)

  14. Veg - being not right in the head is something to be celebrated as far as I'm concerned. Oh and a tip in your quest to do the humpy pumpy with Paul McDermott, he's always at the Montreal Comedy Festival, performing and doing street interviews. That's kinda in your neck of the woods right (Go 4yrs of geography) and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be adverse to at least a bit of gratuitous arse grabbing.

    EllyLou - Just cause it's you and you added in the glittery thing, I'll let get away with licking his jaw line. But just this once.

  15. Red Shoes - sarcasm does have its charms :) Hell yeah you can do the glitter, especially when it's red and on killer high heels.

    Kate - Wish you weren't a member of the Bob gang but glad you are enjoying my blog. IVIG isn't an option here for Bob unfortunately, so just the regular meds and lifestyle crap for me. Hope it's working for you.

  16. Soda and Candy - until Veg mentioned it I didn't know you were an Aussie, so equally glad to see another of the band out there. And thank you for thinking Bob should eff off. I whole heartedly agree.

    Julie Jeanie - "laughing of ones arse off" should be prescribed to everyone with a chronic illness. Glad I could give you a laugh or two.

  17. Em - see we have so much in common, go 'loo'. Here's hoping we both have a better year ahead and that your headache takes a flying leap :)

    Celiac Diva - hehe. I could probably do a poor East Coast accent thanks to way to much time spent in front of the TV. Just for you I will practice. LOL


All who are lovely enough to comment should be showered with cup cakes, glitter and macarons. I promise to use my spoon bending mind powers to try and get that happening for all who are lovely enough to share their words. Those who go the extra step to share posts should really get a free unicorn. Or at least the gift of finding the shortest and quickest line at the supermarket on a regular basis. xx

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