Tuesday, 18 May 2010

I Would Like To Thank The Academy......

Awards, who doesn't love them.  We all secretly covert them.  Yes even you, the "I have no need for awards as it's all about the art", dude/dudettes.  They're shiny and sparkly and they give you a big fat ego boost that sends you Tip Toeing Through The Tulips all day long.  

The marvellous Miranda over at Dysautonomia: My Journey, My Battle, My Victory, My Life, sent me a little Sugar Doll award today.  Thanks Miranda. Then the lovely Lauren over at Where Did I Get This Lemon also sent it my way so I thought I should finally pull my finger out and respond.

Only problem is now as part of the acceptance procedure, I have to think of 10 things that you don't know about me and pick some other bloggers to share the joy.  Work, work, work and I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to work.  But just for you I will down a couple of Zyrtecs and put my nose to the metaphorical grindstone.

Now the main problem I face is, do I really have 10 interesting unknowns about me up my sleeve?  Probably not.  Short of swapping my life for that of Lara Croft, I may just bore you stupid.  Plus, I'm pretty open about my life, warts and all (hell, you've even heard about my bowel habits) so I may be scraping the barrel to find anything blog worthy. 

Prior to reading I recommend the ingestion of at least 4 espressos and maybe a box of Nodoze.

1. I used to Belly Dance.  Yep that's right, belly dance.  I have the coin covered scarf and everything.   I think my love of belly dancing began at my 30th birthday party.  Think small Turkish restaurant, numerous vodka and lemon squashes, scarves, a birthday dare and a woman in a sparkly belly dancing costume paid to encourage inebriated patrons to shake their unco-booties.  This progressed to belly dancing in the hospital gym.  Nothing like a bunch of over 30 Jazz ballet rejects attempting to move their hips provocatively, whilst moving left to right and waving a scarf. 

(This is where I dragged David, purchased my gorgeous jingly scarf, Arab Quarter in Singapore)

2.  I have my belly button pierced.  It was my Mothers Day present after my youngest was born.  My piercer was a lovely tattooed lady, not dissimilar in appearance to the tramp (not that I'm judging, I'm sure her parents are so proud of how she turned out) involved in the Sandra Bullock fiasco.  Must say the heavily tattooed bikers who ran the tattoo parlour, were very lovely to both myself, Mr Grumpy and the youngest rug rat on the day.  Who says big burly guys from notorious biker gangs are bad sorts? 

3.  I've eaten rat.  Actually if you have travelled in a 4th or 3rd world Asian country you too have eaten rat, you just didn't know it.  Apparently if you stick to country rat it's okay, but avoid city rat like the plague, because, well, they could be carrying the plague. 

4.  I love Judge Judy.  I don't care if that's makes me a dweeb.  If I'm honest I was already well on my way to dweebdom long before I watched my first episode.  I love how she doesn't mince her words and simple tells people they are idiots or should not be allowed to breed.  None of this touchy feely crap.  I particularly love the half-wit, inbred, banjo players who come on time and again to claim reparations for some illegal scheme. It's kinda like the guy who recently called the cops for a home invasion, forgetting that he was a drug dealer and had thousands of dollars in merchandise at him home.  I'm sorry, but stupidity is funny.

5.  I went through a Belinda Carlisle phase in my teenage years.  I dyed my hair red, had the perm, wore my jean jacket half off my shoulders and would spend hours in front of the mirror singing, "Leave A Light On For Me".  I still know all her songs off by heart and have been known to belt out her songs when they come on the radio in the car, much to the embarrassment of my children and their friends.

6.  I will also admit a love of New Kids On The Block and dreaming of marrying Donny Walberg (well, until I saw "Markie Mark" Walberg and his underwear ads mmmm).  I would get up super early on a Saturday morning to watch the music countdown, and may have taped and then watched the filmclips over and over until I had perfected the dance moves, "Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh Oh. Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh Oh. The Right Stuff". Lyrical genius.

7.  I hate beer.  I know that is probably the most un-Australian thing I could possibly say, but it's true.  I have tried many varieties over the years but all of them taste like cat pee, with differing levels of yuck.  The smell of beer breath is enough to make me gag.  I know it will surprise many, as I've been known to enjoy a glass or two of something fermented over the the years.  I have even drunk snake wine (stuff a whole snake and herbs in a big glass jar, pour over rice wine and let steep) in Vietnam, but I still can't stomach beer.

8.  I have been tear gassed.  I wish I had some great story of civil disobedience to tell, but alas no.  It was back in my navy days.  As part of our training we were forced to run 5km through a mangrove swamp in full gas gear, go into a tent, tear gas cannisters were let off and we were told to take off our gas masks and answer questions.  And let me tell you, it BURNS.  It burns where ever you sweat, and you sweat EVERYWHERE in full gas gear.  Sadistic bastards.  I am full of admiration for those who can protest, throw rocks and Molotov cocktails in a cloud of tear gas, me I'd be running in the other direction and praying for the fire hose to ease the burning.

9.  I know how to put out an oil fire on a frigate.  You never know when that'll come in handy.  You could be walking along the street minding your own business and all of a sudden come across a frigate that's on fire.  And you stand there thinking "gee I wish I knew how to put that fire out", well I'm your girl.  I can do the whole oxygen tank, mask, huge fire hose dealio.  I will admit the first time when the foam hit the fire, and the fire went straight up the wall, rolled across the roof to come out the door just above my head it was a little disconcerting but I got it out.  I may have ended up with frizzy eyebrows and potentially a sun tan despite being inside, and well the little metal clasps that hold your fire gear together do get a might hot (so they were'nt being sexist pigs when they told us to take off our bras if they had underwires) but I did it.  Crawling through a black, smoke-filled tuna can of death with zero visability may have contributed to my claustrophobia but you never know.

10.  I have played Cowpat Brandy.  For those of you unfamiliar with this game, it is a countrified twist on the traditional game of brandy except we swapped the wet tennis ball for a crusty on the outside, gooey in the centre cow pat.  I'm not sure which hurts more, but I do know a cowpat does wonders for the skin.  There's nothing like a lady-like game of pounding your friends with a cowpat to pass the day on a farm.  Followed of course by a swim in the channel with the redfin and brown snakes. Who needs an expensive beauty spa?  My skin was fully exfoliated and super soft.

So there you go, 10 previously unknown things about me.  Maybe they'll explain a little of why I am the way I am today.  Maybe you'll think I am a complete and utter freak (it's okay, I am comfortable with my freakness) and run away screaming.  Maybe I have bored you stupid and you are now drooling on the couch with your lap top perched precariously on your lap and your mug of espresso dripping on the floor from your lax hand, in which case you wont read this and I don't know why I'm typing.  Stop typing you stupid woman.  Stop Typing.

Now it's time to pass the baton.  I've decided I'll pass it on to 3 champion recipients.  In the past I've given a nod to my many non-health faves, so this time I
thought I'd health it up, with my favourite Bob blog, favourite non-Bob health blog and to really mess with the system my favourite health vlog.  Now this is not to say I don't love many blogs but I could end up with a list a mile long and that would require more typing and basically I'm lazy.

1. Favourite Bob blog:

This award goes to Michele over at Dysautonomia Normal.  Michele is a bloggy friend from way back.  She is far more articulate than I could ever hope to be and is a truly lovely person to boot.

2. Favourite Non-Bob health blog:

This award goes to Lucy over at Costochondritis.  Lucy brings awareness to a very unknown disease, with humour and sensitivity.  She is funny and lovely and one of those people you'd love to have a coffee with.

3. Favourite Vlog:

This award goes to my bestie, Kerri over at Kezzcass.  Kerri is a tireless advocate for MS and I am proud to call her my friend.  Her vlogs are funny and touching and above all else honest.  She's the only person I know who can make urinary problems hilarious on film (watch "A day in the life of Kezzcass").  Kerri is one of my physio girls, and is one of the unexpected perks of having Bob in my life.

Michelle :)

PS, I may be slow on the blogging for a while as my beloved laptop has gone to the big computer store in the sky.  Until I can get him replaced I am stuck using my sons computer in his toxic funk-filled room.  As this involves me holding my breath and dashing into his room to do some short and rapid typing followed by a rapid dash back out of the room, my efforts may be infrequent.  I have been informed that a flame thrower is really the only way to disperse teenage boy funk so I shall be onto the yellow pages to contact "Flame Throwers R' Us".  Wish me luck.  In honour of this time of olfactory trial, I give you The Rockerfellar Skank (Funk Soul Brother), Fat Boy Slim


  1. Loved hearing 10 unknown facts about you, I was a Go-Go's fan in college (hmmm guess I should save that for my next blog. Thanks for the positive kudo's on the blog, I'm honored. Keep up the writing, it brings me up when I'm down, smile are the best healers!

  2. I figured you like to know, that in a fit of POTS induced brain fog, I tried to say your blogger username of "Rusty Hoe", but instead could only come up with "Rusty Bob". Luckily it was to a friend who understands my mental and cognitive quirks.

    Oh, I'm curious as to where 8 and 9 are. And if your son's room is anything like mine was as a teenager, I will keep you in my prayers. :D Perhaps you ought to look into investing in a gas mask?

  3. Michele - I loved the Go-Go's too :) You're welcome on the award, now I want to hear your 10 LOL

    Ericka - I like that, Go the brain fog LOL. Blogger was playing up and didn't post 8 & 9, they are up now. Both boy's room look and smell like those homes on the hoarder shows. Gas mask may be required. :)

  4. Man, if I had a dollar for every frigate I come across that's on fire, I'd have minus sixty seven bucks by now! :) However, if I ever DO come across one, I am calling you. Thank you.

    P.S. I love beer. I do. I must have Aussie blood somewhere.

  5. Michele,
    A very interesting list because we both have a long list of symptoms and no doctor can figure out what disease process is raging in our bodies. We have more than one thing in common.

    I was in the Army for 10 years and was exposed to tear gas on 3 or 4 different occasions. I also was involved in a chemical spill at a base where chemical warfare was developed and the experiments were buried in metal drums. Decades later they started to surface and cause problems. Did you have any other chemical exposure during the time you were in the Navy?

    I have also eaten rat more times than I care to remember. I was always sure the great soup at one restaurant in Okinawa was made of rat. It had the extra bonus of having a brothel on the second floor which of course I never had the honor of visiting.

    I also hate beer and have tried the finest beer in the world several times in Germany…hated it all but I enjoyed Oktoberfest a couple of times because of the great food.

    I just find this a little too coincidental or it just may be because it is very late here and my brain is working crazier than usual.


  6. Posted a comment but it disappeared.

    Thank you for this post, having just posted a completely self indulgent moan a lot post on my blog. Yours made for refreshing reading.

    Now if I knew how to give an award - your blog would be the first I would give to. I am mighty jealous of your literary skill and ability to describe your illness with such wit. As I scroll through my reader and click on your blog - I always leave with a smile.

    Thank you for making me smile.

  7. Rusty,

    THANKS FOR THE AWARD!! I'll TOTALLY admit it, I LOVE It!! lol. =) I'm totally honored! Thank you!!!! I'll take that baton and rock out a post here soon. Love it.

    Totally enjoyed learning more about you. I hate beer too...why is it so hard for me to admit that?!!?! lol. And I cannot believe they gassed you. That's just WRONG!

  8. "avoid city rat like the plague, because, well, they could be carrying the plague." Hahaha you're too funny.

    And I hate beer too! I've tried several and I just don't get it, but people keep telling me it's an acquired taste! How could I just suddenly fall in love with something I loathe today??? As an Australian, perhaps this was hard to admit. I hope the Fosters mob doesn't come at you with pitchforks!!!

  9. Those were some of the most interesting random facts I've ever read.

    The Zumba class I'm taking has a bit of belly dancing in it. I'm quite enjoying it.

    New Kids On The Block were the shit! I had the VHS tapes of all their proformances. Sigh.

  10. I was too tired to post a response to your dislike of beer last night. First, it's OK. If you have tried several different types of beer, and there isn't one you can stomach, that alright! You have tried more than Bud Light or Millertime (two of, quite possibly, the worst beers ever made in the world. This was considered "American" beer until somewhat recently... Go HOMEBREWERS! Thanks for subsequently starting up beer companies after homebrewing was legalized!) and if you still don't like it, then I say you have given it a fair shake.
    I just hope you don't mind that I'm somewhat (OK! so I am completely one. It's sad when Sam Adams is starting to taste a little weak. Homebrewing has ruined me!) a beer snob. I haven't really developed a taste in hard liquor or wine (so much, although I do like Shiraz).

    Oh, my brother was in the Army here in the States, and I got to see video of him in a gas chamber. His DI thought a tape of being gassed (and the subsequent eye boogers that comes from the deal) along with some other actually fairly interesting videos that it would be a lovely souvenir to take come after they survived hell. My dad, who was a Vietnam Vet, looked on with a cross of fond recognition and barely veiled horror. I believe he was gassed in basic, too. My dad was also had a jump certificate, meaning he was certified to do parachute landings.

    And you and my mother would get along perfectly, I believe. Judge Judy comes on at 7pm here, and at about 6:45, my mom steals the remote (even though I tell her she can relax, and that it'll be on in 15 minutes), and if you even look at it, she has the same reaction as our neurotic Australian Shepherd does when someone touches her on her back legs (she starts snarling and growling, and has tried to snap at a few people before). I have to admit that she is somewhat of a role model to me personally. I do have to say that I have become somewhat more assertive since I've started really watching her.

  11. snap i dyed hair red too. twice.

    circle in the sand..... was a fan back then too.

  12. Great article that will motivate many people as they are giving awards for their hard work.

  13. Oh god - you lost me at rat! Really?! I have spent about a year on and off in SE Asia. So, I'm guess I've eaten rat too! Blerg.

    Need more tequila to take my mind off that thought!!

  14. This is HYSTERICAL!! Congratulations on your award. You definitely deserve it!!


    Teresa <><

  15. Veg - anytime you have a frigate problem I'm here for you. Oh I'll even give you my beer quota.

    SheNightOwl - I'm sure I was exposed to a chemical cocktail over the years. Not to mention that I grew up in agricultural area and you could always smell the herbicides and pesticides on the wind (many of which are now banned). Add to that the fact that I used to be a school cleaner one of many shite jobs over the years, and many of those cleaning products are now banned thanks to pesky cancer. Man if only we could have things like the ability to create chocolate at will as the thing to have in common.

  16. Achelois - Don't you hate it when you go to all the effort and just disappears. I do that all the time. Glad I can make you laugh we all need to laugh and if my lunacy can do it for you I'm happy.

    Lucy - you rock babe that's why I sent the award your way. Now I expect juiciness in your 10. I'm thinking you've got some doozies up your sleeve :).

    Lovable - Fosters sucks, bleech. I have tried hard to acquire the taste and it never happens. Bring on the fermented grape juice or tequila either way I'm happy.

    OWO - You loved New Kids? See yet another reason why you are fabulous. Having read your Zumba post I am inspired to try it, though my apathy may get in the way. I'm pretty sure you're rocking the class.

  17. Ericka - I've tried a couple of US beers and they are pretty light compared to Aussie brews, though equally gross. I can't believe homebrew was illegal. It's been legal over here for years and Mr Grumpy was big into it when we first met. Well I am glad they don't just gas us over here. Nice to see the pointless sadism is in all nations. Funny how the trainers don't have to take their masks off, prats.

    Em - Go the faux red heads. If I ever get across the pond we'll have to do a karaoke duet.

    Linda - thanks for that. Go awards Yeah!!

    Emma - go tequila and yes you will have eaten rat, but it can be tasty. Just don't look to closely at your next plate of nasi goreng in Bali :).

  18. Teresa - thanks for that and glad you liked it.


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