Apologies From an Errant Blogger

OK so it's been a few weeks. I'm a bad blogger I know. I will take myself out back for a bit of self-flagellation later on to atone for my poor posting efforts. But hey I'm going to pull the sick card, it's got to be good for something. So suck it up people. In my oxygen deprived state I was delusional and overly optimistic about the whole health thing. Now I have been firmly sat on my arse by reality and after a lovely little stay in rehab (aka my bed) I am able to at least attempt some coherent blogging, although there are no guarantees and what follows may be little more than line after line of dross filled waffle.

No talking about crappy health this week. No stories of migraines that threatened to liquefy my eyeballs, clumsiness that made me drop multiple vegetables onto my none too clean kitchen floor on Christmas day (30 second rule firmly in place so all OK), or nanna naps on my bathroom tiles where I was too fatigued and dizzy to remove myself from the way-too-close vicinity of a lone and shifty-looking, short, black and curly hair that I swear was slowly moving towards my face a millimetre at a time each time I closed my eyes. No! No more. Not today. Never again. Well...maybe next week.

The last few weeks I have lived vicariously through the Internet. Whilst my own output has been limited there are millions of champion bloggers out there who have been reducing their finger tips to bloody stumps in their furious attempts to keep us in their fascinating loops. I am amazed at the work ethic of some bloggers. The ones that post every day or at least a couple of times a week. I'm not talking about the ones that are just a perpetual list of crap twitter tweets disguised as blogs.

"Cleaning the fridge" Picture of said fridge pasted underneath. posted Dec 3 9:30pm,
"Off to scoop up dog poo from back yard" posted Dec 4 11:34am, ad infinitum, does not a blog make!

I am however impressed by the diversity of blogs out there. No matter what your fancy there's a blog out there for you. Check out one of those "What you Should Read" lists for an eye opener. 10 minutes scanning the list and I found everything from a blog devoted to the humble hedgehog (why?); a fellow who was happy to tell me the multitude of reasons I would burn in hell for all eternity thanks to my Godless and heathen ways (a real peppy people person); and the daily musings of a dominatrix. I had never realised the difficulties a dominatrix faced on a day-to-day basis. How do you explain a box filled with various leather apparatuses to the police at a road block? Well she can give you all manner of tips for dealing with just such a a situation. Who knows when you might just need that information?

What I do love are the blogs that demonstrate a level of conscious thought and creativity. These give me hope that there are people out there in the world who don't think Neighbours is comparable to Tolstoy, or that Lady Gaga's sagacious words "I'd like to take a ride on your disco stick" outmatch anything written by The Bard. People who remember that there was a time before "LOL smiley face heart". A mystical world where we were allowed to use whole words to express our emotions. (Okay so I occasionally resort to using these communicative abominations but I am like brain impaired, like, OK, umm, LOL).

I follow a range of different blogs which sort of represent the various little worlds (or the voices in my head) of Michelle . Health, Humour, Food, Music, Literature, whatever takes my fancy on the day. Of late I have made a deliberate move out of the health sphere to grab a little bit of the real world. Too many health blogs can make you rather depressed after a while. As anyone who has worked in mental health for any length of time knows, it gets to a point where it takes a lot to shock you, so not all of them are PG 13, but most are guaranteed to make you laugh. A case in point is a recent post by Calling People Names where she describes a shaving mishap with her "bizness" that is both graphic and hilarious. I know there are many out there who would find her topics far too graphic and what my mum would call "naughty", but her skills as a writer far outweigh any shock from her topic choices and I never fail to laugh at the descriptions of a life that is so far removed from my own. For me I like good writing regardless of the topic. Unfortunately you have to search high and low for that these days. Occasionally you get lucky and come across a couple that make you want to actually follow publicly rather than lurk on the fringe so no one finds out your dirty little secret. There are three that I've really enjoyed over the past few months (not that there aren't others I enjoy equally I just didn't feel like doing 15 blog reviews, so nothing personal to those I don't mention and if I can pull my finger out I may write about you another day). I love all three of these blogs for very different reasons and for one very similar huge flashing neon light fact; fantastic, original and creative writing. All three of these blogs make me wish that I could force my flagging brain to reliably create whole sentences, to actually verbalise what I feel and think with some semblance of intelligence. That I could remember all those tedious grammar lessons from my Grade 3/4 teacher, the post-menopausally hirsute Mrs Redfern, who could flagellate your soul at 50 paces with her spiteful tongue, or through the use of a metre long wooden ruler across the knuckles depending on her hormonal load. Basically they make me want to be a better writer.

I don't know exactly how to describe these blogs in any way that does them justice so I'll just say:

Mr London Street: you've gotta admire a guy that can write about Doogie Howser MD, Moomintroll and the joys and pitfalls of amateur wedding photography to make you laugh or think or simply feel. A truly talented writer that makes me want to journey over the pond to experience the Reading he describes so eloquently. (Recently a Blog of Note on the Blogger site, but I like to say I knew him way back when, before the fame and the glory).
My Soul is a Butterfly: In one word, Beautiful. Hannah is more artist than writer. The topic is secondary to words that simply sing. It's the type of writing you can lose yourself in.
The Imaginary Reviewer: I don't know whether it's the brilliantly dry humour of his reviews of imaginary TV shows, magazines, books etc, or the fact that there are so many bright sparks in the world who write asking what channel the shows are on or where they can buy the book, but it cracks me up.

I realised the other day I'd regressed to teenage groupie status. I went to write a comment on one of the above mentioned blogs, stopped, and thoughts racing began to panic. Will they like my comment? Will they think I am a complete loser? Is my comment witty or pathetic and sad? Write delete, write delete. I think the answer is sad loser geek, but what can you do? So there you go these three writers are up there with my 13-year-old pre-pubescent adoration of Wham (oh how I loved George Michael. I spent many a night dreaming of snogging him backstage at one of the concerts. Obviously my finely tuned Gaydar was still in the development stage at that point along with my boobs. Funny how the Gaydar developed but I'm still waiting on the boobs).

So there you go. A few blogs that would help anyone pass the time more pleasurably than my verbal detritus. I do however, apologise for my lack of blogging. Although I do think you should thank me for not boring you senseless with lengthy and incoherent mutterings of "woe is me", which would have been 10 minutes of your life you could never get back. So really my lack of blogging was truly a public service.

Apologies
The Errant Blogger aka Michelle :)