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Periodically I do a 5 minute mind purge to help me cope. It's a bit like the valve on my mental kettle. I don't care about spelling or punctuation. The idea is to just get it out.
I'm still not picking up after the weekend's ER visit. Life is falling by the wayside. Promises are broken. Commitments not met. And after sliding down the door to my bathroom again today and feeling worse than I have in quite some time, I just needed it all out.
Flair, crash, gigantic crapfest. Feeling like I'm flailing in quicksand. Lying on tiles. Grabbing walls. Crawling from the bathroom. How did it come to this? Vomit, crap, shake, slur, pain. Drag myself up as my body drags me down. Tomorrow is another day? Yesterday was a tomorrow once. As was today. Don't silence me with your discomfort. Don't treat me like I have no clue. Don't mistake my emotion for giving up, for depression, for weakness. Don't tell me it'll get better. Don't tell me to have hope. Don't tell me. This is a moment. My moment. Not yours. My moment to feel it all and express it all. I will be done when I am done. Not when you feel it is enough. I will raise my voice and shake my fist. This is my story not your story. My day, day after day after day. I will not bear the burden of your discomfort, because my suffering is too much for you. Because my grief and pain is too much for you. If you cannot bear to listen for five minutes how do you think I can bear to live with this day, day after day, week after week, year after year? You want release? So do I. Stop telling. Stop shoulding. Stop silencing. Just stop. Just be with me. Just listen. Just let me rail. Just let me cry and yell and scream at the injustice of it all. Let me voice it all and purge my spirit. Be silent. Be quiet. Be still. I don't want solutions. I don't want pity. I don't want your sorrow. I just want.
Feel free to add your own 5 minute mind purge below. Don't worry about spelling or grammar just get it out. You can be anonymous if that feels easier.
Michelle
