It sits on the table. Waiting.
I know I have to get it done.
I know I have to become a teaching tool once more at my local radiology office.
I know I have a hope in hell of detecting a new potentially bad lump in a forest full of pretenders.
I know my GP will yell at me yet again for my apathy.
I am over being scanned, poked, probed and examined.
I have had my fill of doctors.
I have had my fill of pills and potions.
I am over being a pharmaceutical guinea pig.
I am over shelling out money hand over fist, for no answers, or solutions.
I have had my fill of bad news.
I have had my fill of no news.
I have had my fill of being unique, unusual, weird, strange, and all the other descriptives that come my way.
I am over being told "I have no idea", "there is nothing I can do", "I've never seen that".
I am over new diagnoses.
I am over no diagnoses
I am over new symptoms.
I am over the word 'idiopathic', the fall back for doctors who have given up.
I am over a diary filled with nothing but doctors appointments.
I am tired.
I need a break.
I will call the radiology office.
I will make the appointment.
I will call my GP.
And, I will make that appointment.
And I will take my medicine.
Just in case.
You never know.
Maybe this time.
And then apathy wins.
But I wont.
(find out more here)
*Update: It can be hard to maintain the medical momentum when you are chronically ill. But sometimes you just have to suck it up and do it. So I made the call, and am now booked in to be scanned.