Thursday, 4 August 2011
The only way is up.
Well turns out my gastro was so atypical, it's not even gastro. (Sigh). Yep, once more even the vaguest trace of normal slips through my fingers. It seems that Bob has dreams of world domination and my gut is Poland. Joys.
Who knew there would be a time in my life where I would wish I had a bunch of rancid bugs having a rave in my lower imtestine? Not me. But there you go. The fun times just never end.
So yet again I am discussing my bowel habits with various members of the medical profession. Yet again there are more specialist appointments to be organised. Yet again there are more tests.
It seems that uberneuro was right about the whole progressive thing. Only by 'progressive' it appears he meant 'faster than a speeding bullet'.
So now I have more tablets to take. More time to waste. More checking in with my doctors to discuss my poo in great detail. Daily conversations about the the consistency, shape and odour of my excretions. Something to look forward to I'm sure. I know they're just as excited as I am. At least they get paid for the pleasure.
So my plan for now is watching re-runs of 30 Rock whilst sucking down Hydrolite popsicles, which taste suspiciously like Tang. Luckily the new tabs also make you sleepy, BONUS! Given the first one left me comatosed on the couch for a few hours, only to wake up to Mr G and the eldest rug rat eating dinner next to me, it looks like a snoozefest is on the cards for the next few days.
But really, if things don't pick up soon I may have to break out the big guns, otherwise known as, 80's Power Ballads. So if you hear the first strains of I Want to Know What Love Is, or even worse, I've Never Been To Me, you'll know that the shit really has hit the fan.
Thanks to everyone for their well wishes, they are greatly appreciated. I'm sending you all big cyber hugs and air kisses.
Update: Always read the small print: "medication may lower blood pressure and cause rapid heart beat". So shortly after taking its already:
Okay I may just need one hit of 80s magic to make it through the day.