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My how time flies when you're not having fun. Thursday is almost here, which also means it's almost time to meet with Balloonman (ie the Interventional Radiologist who'll be doing my angioplasty to reverse the CCSVI). I'm sure I'm excited. Really I am. Don't look at me like that. I'm telling you the truth. I am. I'm super excited about meeting the man who'll be sticking a wire in my leg and threading it up to the main drain for my brain, to blow up balloons.
It's not like I'm scared or anything. You know me. I laugh in the face of danger, HA HA. Not scared. Not me. No. It's a walk in the park. He does it every day. I know people who've had it done. It's classed as a day procedure. It's not like he could rupture Jeff or anything. It's not like I'm having nightmares of an exploding Jeff. No. Not me.
It's not like I'm going all doom and gloom and thinking all the worst case scenarios (must put away Caplan's Stroke, 3rd Ed, damn neuropsychology training). It's not like I've been thinking of the myriad ways that Bob could be an arse and be difficult during the procedure.
As I said, that's just not me.
Happy place.
Happy place.
Happy place.
I have even found a picture of the balloon I think I should request. What do you think? I figure a unicorn has all the magic built it. Nothing shaped like a glittery, rainbow farting, unicorn could do me wrong.
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I've been told only good things about Balloonman, so I'm hoping that he'll be nice and I'll leave his office on Thursday fully convinced it's a walk in the park. Or that I'll develop a serious case of fugue till it's all over and Jeff is banished. Either way, I've told Mr Grumpy that if I forget, he is to demand drugs on my behalf. I fully intend to sleep through the whole thing as I have absolutely no desire to know what they do.
Cheers
The completely calm and not panicking Michelle :)
As a musical accompaniment how could I go past Nena's fabulous, 99 Luftballons (1984). I know it's about 99 red balloons, but as my German is limited to the names of various pressed meats and Oktoberfest, I have no idea about the rest. Still didn't stop me from rocking to it, and shouting out "99 Luftballons" at the top of my lungs, at the Bluelight Discos of my youth.
great song! and i hope the non scariness goes well!!! *hugs*
ReplyDeletelove the farting glittering unicorn! :) Hang in there chica! If you've only heard good things about the balloon man then only think on those things. I'm certain that everything will go fine and you'll be back on FB or here delighting us with another freakin hilarious moment so awesome that we'll all want to meet with the balloon man for our own farting glittering unicorn!
ReplyDeleteFunny in the face of fright. Nobody does it better, hon! I'm with a bunch of POTS kids at the Mayo Clinic right now. I think the rainbow farting balloon unicorn will make their day. Good luck. We'll be thinking good thoughts!
ReplyDeleteI hope you're going to bring the picture of the rainbow farting unicorn to your visit with balloonman, he'd probably get a kick out of it. Hoping and praying all goes well.
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking warm, sugary, inappropriately clingy warm thoughts the whole time. I may also be yodeling because I think people don't yodel enough anymore. I'm worried it might be a dying art. But I'm pretty confident I can yodel AND think about you. Maybe I'll yodel about you. Then again, I might curl up on the couch and think about you because I have a cold. You probably shouldn't yodel with a cold. You also probably shouldn't leave comments on cold meds.
ReplyDeleteLoving the witty comments, I have run out of wit so just posting to say - please post to say how it went. I will be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteOh and the rest is self explanatory.
Original literal translation to German lyrics of this song not the English version.
Have you some time for me,
then I'll sing a song for you
about 99 balloons
on their way to the horizon.
If you're perhaps thinking about me right now
then I'll sing a song for you
about 99 balloons
and that such a thing comes from such a thing.
99 balloons
on their way to the horizon
People think they're UFO's from space
so a general sent up
a fighter squadron after them
Sound the alarm if it's so
but there on the horizon were
only 99 balloons.
99 fighter jets
Each one's a great warrior
Thought they were Captain Kirk
then came a lot of fireworks
the neighbors didn't understand anything
and felt like they were being provoked
so they shot at the horizon
at 99 balloons.
99 war ministers
matches and gasoline canisters
They thought they were clever people
already smelled a nice bounty
Called for war and wanted power.
Man, who would've thought
that things would someday go so far
because of 99 balloons.
99 years of war
left no room for victors.
There are no more war ministers
nor any jet fighters.
Today I'm making my rounds
see the world lying in ruins.
I found a balloon,
think of you and let it fly (away).
Well I will be thinking about you for DAMN sure and sending you calm, reassuring vibes through the mental highway. And it will be over soon. And you will once again say "EFF BOB AND ALL THE OTHER FOREIGNERS IN MY BODY!" and reign triumphant once again. Because I said so.
ReplyDeletegood luck with the procedure. and hoping that your health will improve. sending good thoughts. emx
ReplyDeleteNow I'll be singing that song...
ReplyDeletehope everything goes well
Okay I need to clarify, apparently what was clear in my noggin wasn't clear on the screen, sorry about that. I didn't have the procedure done last week, just met the Balloonman for one of those procedural hoops you have to jump through. I am now all booked in for Friday the 12th Nov, only a week away and seriously trying to keep my nerves down to a thunderous roar. Thanks to everyone for their lovely thoughts though please put them on the shelf for safe keeping and bring them out next week about 7:30am.
ReplyDeleteAsh - Total nonscariness, total. Twas convincing
right.
Miranda - glitter farting unicorns are so the way to go.
Anon - that's me, leader for today's youth.
Michele - I may just bring that picture along. I'm sure he'll be stoked to meet the mad woman with demanding a farting unicorn.
Elly Lou - Yodelling is under-rated. I think your next ukelele song needs a yodelling as the grand finale.
Achelois - Thanks for the translastion. I feel kinda bad dancing to that song back in my disco days now. Who knew it was such a deep song. Please tell me that Plastic Bertrand's - Ca Plane Pour Moi is really about farting unicorns and not the destruction of the human race or I wont be able to go on.
Veg - well if you say so. I can feel those vibes by the way, though I was a bit disturbed by the mental grabbing of my butt. But hey, I'll take that grab just cause it's from you.
Em - thanks Em. Hopefully it'll all go smoothly.
Michelle - sing that song. Just try not enjoy it too much, now we know all the lyrics :P