fatigue hits
body splits
mind is lost
is this it
is this all there is
is this all there will ever be
concrete body
made of concrete parts
assembled and disassemble
as I sit passive
time passes
time swirls
fatigue is all
fatigue is everything
pressing pushing
down
down
down
into the earth
it pours up and over
drags me down
immobile
incoherent
incorporeal
spirit rendered
spirit flailing
clawing
broken words
broken dreams
broken body
the tether is at breaking
then
slowly
a moment of reprieve
the first stirrings of re-emergence
the chance
a hope
small
insubstantial
possibility
a light
a hand breaks free
a life breaks free
I break free
exhaustion turns to blessed sleep
freedom
freedom to dream
of better days
and better nights
of time
my time
our time
all of time
time of joy
time of bliss
time of sun on faces
and wind in hair
time of earth through toes
time of soft couches and warm toast
of books and worlds far away
to lose myself in words where exhaustion does not exist
where pain does not exist
where the fatigue of being does not exist
lose myself in words
in hopes
in ideas
in me
in new imaginings
in unlaboured breaths
and unclenched jaws
in loose shoulders and untangled guts
light shines around me
within me
from me
out into the world
to become one with the swirling mass of colours
the infinite variety of life experience
to touch other colours
other spirits
to give and receive
at need
alone in our experience
together in our journey
hands held
hearts carried
worries shared
we forget actions
but remember how we feel
me
you
us
strength in numbers
we are not alone in the swirls of darkness
we are not alone in the barbs of pain
we are not alone in fear and doubt
roads much travelled
when bodies break
roads much travelled
and survived
roads that lead to light
all good quests have trial and tribulation
we come the cusp of failure
so that the light is sweeter
and the sky more clear
us
you
me
all
body splits
mind is lost
is this it
is this all there is
is this all there will ever be
concrete body
made of concrete parts
assembled and disassemble
as I sit passive
time passes
time swirls
fatigue is all
fatigue is everything
pressing pushing
down
down
down
into the earth
it pours up and over
drags me down
immobile
incoherent
incorporeal
spirit rendered
spirit flailing
clawing
broken words
broken dreams
broken body
the tether is at breaking
then
slowly
a moment of reprieve
the first stirrings of re-emergence
the chance
a hope
small
insubstantial
possibility
a light
a hand breaks free
a life breaks free
I break free
exhaustion turns to blessed sleep
freedom
freedom to dream
of better days
and better nights
of time
my time
our time
all of time
time of joy
time of bliss
time of sun on faces
and wind in hair
time of earth through toes
time of soft couches and warm toast
of books and worlds far away
to lose myself in words where exhaustion does not exist
where pain does not exist
where the fatigue of being does not exist
lose myself in words
in hopes
in ideas
in me
in new imaginings
in unlaboured breaths
and unclenched jaws
in loose shoulders and untangled guts
light shines around me
within me
from me
out into the world
to become one with the swirling mass of colours
the infinite variety of life experience
to touch other colours
other spirits
to give and receive
at need
alone in our experience
together in our journey
hands held
hearts carried
worries shared
we forget actions
but remember how we feel
me
you
us
strength in numbers
we are not alone in the swirls of darkness
we are not alone in the barbs of pain
we are not alone in fear and doubt
roads much travelled
when bodies break
roads much travelled
and survived
roads that lead to light
all good quests have trial and tribulation
we come the cusp of failure
so that the light is sweeter
and the sky more clear
us
you
me
all
Michelle
I love it when your words pour out. Glad we are all in this with you as our wordsmith. You say the words we can't find cadence for. You create the poetry we sing in the dark. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteRach in NZ
Thanks Rach. I've been trying out a few new writing styles lately to try and jog my brain back into action. Mr Grumpy tells me I've gone back to writing like I used to when we first met. Weird how that happens. xx
DeleteHey Michelle
ReplyDeleteJust wishing and praying for some good days for you...
Good day- uhmmm what does that mean for one dysautonomia person to another dysautonomia person.
Yes gratitude makes for a good day....
Humor makes for a good day...
Somedays knowing it will pass makes for a good day
Some days crying makes for a good day
Somedays poetry makes for a good day..
Man you sure know how to pass on a smile for a good day, you rock it...
LoL your talented writing skills can make some one smile and not feel alone when they are dizzy, nauseated, bedridden ...you know that feeling like you have just been shot out through a canon into a brick wall when you try to stand up..
It is great to know there are people who get what it is like!!!!!!
Shalom to your home
Thanks so much Monshonday. I'm glad my rambles can help even in a small way. It's always good to know there is someone or a heap of someones out there who get it. Makes it a lot easy to cope with xx
DeleteHey Michelle...
ReplyDeleteHaven't heard from you lately, hope things are going okay for you..
Take care
Corrine
Thanks for checking on me. It's been a rough few weeks months but hoping it'll get a bit easier soon xx
Delete