Take up your spade

(Sometimes you have to find a spot to focus when upside down and inside out.)

Every now and then you stumble over a song and the visceral hit can't be ignored. This is one of those songs. One of those times where life and the planets align, and suddenly every word and every note line up as the perfect salve to the moment.  

I think I need it as my morning song. Especially after nights like last night, that involved a tear on my pillow and trying to fumble quietly in the dark for pain meds, bent in two, and shaking from the stabbing in my stomach. That shit doesn't ever get easier. But you get through it somehow.

I had an ER doctor look horrified when I explained my daily abdominal pain last year. He couldn't believe that I was sitting in front of him smiling (I may have been helped by endone at that point) and talking about it so matter of factly. He looked from me to David and back again, and I was struck by how abnormal my normal had become. You adjust. It's weird but you just do. Sure my normal isn't like other normals but it's just life. You make the most of the cards you're dealt. I don't know if there's a magical formula to get there. I know I slip back and forth with dealing. But somehow I always drag myself back. Battered and bruised but back in the world.

Sometimes it's simply about believing that there are other days and other nights. And that you can drag one foot in front of another. Sometimes its a song that pops up in your life at just the right moment.

Having listened to many of her songs over the last couple of days I am well and truly a Sara Watkins fan. I am late to the party given she's been around for years. Or maybe I came to the party at just the right moment for me.

Enjoy.

Michelle