My Boob Is A Garden

It's been one of those days.  One of those days where you just say "fine", sigh, assume the position, and brace for the pointy end of the pineapple that you know is coming.  Today I was told my boob was a garden.  Yep.  A garden.  How do you respond to that?  I knew they could cause earthquakes, bring men to their knees and fill out a training bra nicely.  But a garden?  No.  That's a new one.

Today was yet another fun scan day.  Not an MRI today, for which I gave praise to every deity known to man.  Today was boob ultrasound day.  YAY. 

 

(photo)

I have bodgy boobs.  I've always had bodgy boobs.  Over the years I have had many a cyst or suspicious fibroadenoma either biopsied or whipped out.   So when I felt something whilst I was doing my daily ablutions I just said meh and kept on scrubbing.  Hence it has taken me a while to get my butt into action.

When you're chronically sick you pick the most pressing problem and forget the rest.  So I may be a year, or five, overdue for my yearly ultrasound.  Oh and haven't my boobs been busy during that time.  They have been fruitful and multiplied, like randy little rabbits.  If nothing else at least I know I don't have lazy boobs.


Fantastically, I had the joy of the student radiologist feeling me up.  Apparently I am a fantastic teaching tool and provided a community service today.  My boobs are both Einstein and Mother Teresa all rolled into one. 

I got to lie there exposed to the world as the radiologist and her learner driver rolled goop all over my petite mammaries.  All the time going "Ooooh", "Ahh", "Look at that", "Wow look at that".  I did get a little miffed when they started to say "Well that one could go either way".  You know, that's not what I want to hear as they are looking at the girls. 

So I found out today that I have multiple abnormalities growing away happily.  Should be a bumper crop in the garden this year.  I also found out I have ectopic boob tissue.  So not only was my uterus not bright enough to keep itself in one place (hence the endometriosis) apparently my boobs are equally inept. 

I have boob tissue growing everywhere from my arm pit to my knee cap.  Okay the later may be an exaggeration, though not by much, and it would explain why my knees are so perky/knobbly.  It's mixed up in my lymph nodes and in my muscle tissue.  Basically my boobs are dumbarses.  As, Mr Grumpy said, "if it's growing everywhere, you'd think at least some of it would grow in the right place".  Ha ha Mr Grumpy.  You are hilarious. 

The experience was also punctuated with me making mad dashes to the loo to throw up and evacuate my nether regions thanks to Bob.  Tops!  Mind you the radiologists did end up putting on their jumpers and turning the aircon on for me so that's a bonus right?  So now more waiting for results.

My body is officially one of the fish that John West rejects.

Pass the tequila.

The gardening Michelle.