Wednesday, 5 October 2011

I'm over this sick malarky.

I quit.  Yep that's right, I quit.  I'm over it.  The whole kit and caboodle.  I'm taking my bat and my ball and I'm going home.  I'm outta here baby.  Bob can kiss my ever decreasing arse.

I'm getting a life.  Not that I'm quite sure what that entails.  I may have to Google "getting a life", to see what the answer is.  I do hope it's in dot points as I really can't be arsed reading paragraphs.  A diagram would be nice too, particularly if its of the Venn variety.  And lots of pictures, bright, shiny pictures.  And good tunes.  You can't start on the road to getting a life without a decent soundtrack.


I've realised of late, that I've been sucked back down the Bob rabbit hole.  I'm not even quite sure when it happened, but I'm pretty sure surprise enemas and almost fainting on the loo were involved.   One minute, I had the makings of a life.  Then I looked up from the bathroom floor, and it was Bobtown as far as the eye could see.

The last few months have seen a sharp rise in my decreptitude.  I can admit that now.  Though, my oh so adult fear of "if I say it out loud it will make it true", has gotten in the way.  I am more housebound.  Even short amounts of standing, exercise (and by that I mean walking from the couch to the fridge to grab chocolate), talking, breathing are all exhausting.  My gastric issues are pretty much unchanged.  My ability to drive is now almost non-existent.  I could add in the near permanent pain, head and joint, the constant unrelenting nausea, the increasing weakness, and all the other crap that seems to be piling up.  Frankly, it may be time to simply start stacking my hallways with newspapers and collecting cats.  Because, if one is going to be a shut in, one should do it right.

But I say, "Balls to that!", my friends.  No more.  I'm making my stand.  I'm a gunna get me some normal. even if it kills me, or I end up face planting on an unsuspecting dog.

No more will I be known as Michelle, The Sick. I am going to put on my cape, my Dorothy Shoes, and wear my undies on the outside.  I will become, Michelle, The Slightly Weird But Sort of Normal Woman With A Fondness For Glitter And Zombies.  

Bite me Bob.

My first step is too start a new blog.  Because Eunice (my last remaining brain cell) has nothing else to attend to lately.  And what does a girl with gastric issues blog about?  Why food of course.  It's says, suck it Bob.  Take that, Ruprecht.  It also points to my ever increasing insanity.  I may sit on a chair, or the floor, when I cook.  I may burn myself on the stove, or oven, or pot, or....  I may employ the 30sec rule on a way to regular basis.  I may even use my children as slave labour to peel and cut my veg.  But it's still cooking.

It is bare bones at the moment.  Not even a decent header in sight.  I'm not even sure I like the title.  It will be Bob-free.  It'll even be lactose and fructose-free in places.  It is certainly guaranteed to be grammar and spelling-free.

Check it out if you want to be amazed by my culinary delights.  So far I've made, yoghurt, cheese, bread and crumpets.

(I even take purdy pictures)

But my quest for normality doesn't stop there.  I have plans to put plants in pots.  To break open my dust covered paints and get all arty. I might even go all out and sweep my front steps.  I'm living on the edge baby! The edge of Normaltown.

Michelle :)

Update:  Have changed the name of my food blog to The Sit Down Cook, to reflect the fact that I, like many other Bobettes, can no longer stand to cook.

10 comments:

  1. Undies on the outside and eff Bob, hurrah, that's the spirit! Although it may not be normal, but eff normal too while you're at it, I say.

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  2. Maybe it's something in the air... I have to admit I've been going downhill lately too - something about my ever decreasing size makes it all to obvious... I'm ticked at doctors, and ticked at sickness... and I plan to work up some energy to do some drawing tomorrow. If I can't do that, I want a marathon of Bing Crosby movies - preferably ones with Christmas Carols. :) If I can't have comfort food I'll get my comfort some other way, thank you very much!

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  3. Trucking - don't you know all the cool kids wear their undies on the outside? I do like your thinking though "eff Bob" and "eff normal"!!!

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  4. Nonna - Bing Crosby is always a winner, but then I am always a sucker for a musical. If there's no tap number its just not right. This increasing sick thing has knobs on it, might as well try and do the things we enjoy with what little energy we have. Even my physio said to do what I like with my limited energy. She'd rather me have some fun/life than do a leg lift.

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  5. Yay painting. I can't wait to see what your whacked out zombie loving brain creates. I'm giddy even.

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  6. Thank you for this post! I can so relate. It's EXACTLY how I feel right now, I'm on a quest for normality too, but I got lost and went wrong somewhere and now I can't seem to get myself out of this black hole. Ugh. Chronic illness can go suck it. Right now my illnesses are ruling my life and it stops now. I don't even know what normal is anymore but you have made me determined to try and claim a little "normality" back.

    Well done on the new blog, sounds and looks amazing. I'm looking forward to your creations.

    Best wishes,

    Emily x

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  7. Elly Lou - I'm thinking that's the pregnancy delirium talking.

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  8. Emily - I read your recent post and hope you can find some relief soon. Unrelenting pain is exhausting, physically and mentally. That damn black hole is hard to climb out of sometimes. You try to crawl out but you keep getting dragged back in. All you can do is keep trying. :)

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  9. I've just started reading and will defintely keep doing so :) Good on you. Lots of love your way

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  10. Opinionated Ophelia - welcome and thanks for reading. :)

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All who are lovely enough to comment should be showered with cup cakes, glitter and macarons. I promise to use my spoon bending mind powers to try and get that happening for all who are lovely enough to share their words. Those who go the extra step to share posts should really get a free unicorn. Or at least the gift of finding the shortest and quickest line at the supermarket on a regular basis. xx